one faithful step

Exciting news and good intentions!

2012-02-10T08:45:00.000-06:00

The announcement went out this morning--I'm now part of the amazing team of Hybrid Chicks at The Digi Chick site! I have had a blast coming up with digital + paper projects for the WM[squared] Designs team for the past several months, and am really excited to add The Hybrid Chick to my creative work. THC focuses on teaching hybrid techniques as well as showing off awesome projects, and I'm really excited to have the opportunity to contribute there!

And, as a bonus, I am feeling very motivated to amp up this blog... since the announcement on The Digi Chick forum included a link to this little corner of the web!! :) So if you've popped over here from TDC, welcome! And I hereby promise (or at least have every good intention toward) a more active blog with lots of hybrid and other scrappy and crafty goodness!

Just a couple other notes for now:

*The prayer kneeler (see older posts) I worked so diligently on for so long is still in the garage in a very sad state. I had lots of optimism when I put a coat of stain on it.... and all the stain did was highlight the scratches and divots and bumps in the wood. I've rethought my plans and am going to go a different direction with it---based on this fabulous chair makeover at CentsationalGirl. I'm even considering twine-wrapping the cross... though that might be a bit much. Meantime, it's back to the paint stripper and power sander!!

*Lent is around the corner (I know, it's super exciting, I'll try to contain myself ;) ). I will be blogging daily at The Ordinary Times beginning February 22. I am planning to do a rather, um, extensive nutritional overhaul during Lent, and I am also scheduled to lead a devotional series at church once a week, so my plan for the blog is to do "40 Days of Prayers" during Lent---to keep it doable (and also because I may need all the prayer I can get to get through my diet cleanse!). Don't worry, though, I don't intend to write prayers about food (or coffee, *sigh*) every day! There will still be scripture references, and prayers based on the Bible. If you'd like to pray the days of Lent with me, please come on over to The Ordinary Times and bookmark it, follow me, or add your email address to receive new posts in your inbox.

*I made two resolutions this New Years, and have actually been somewhat successful so far at keeping up with both of them... and my other "good intention" is to blog a bit about them. So if you're interested in cooking (and getting off the same-old-meals merry-go-round) or fashion (and defrumping a mumsy wardrobe), stay tuned!

Have a wonderful weekend, and I'll be back soon! (At least sooner than 3 months' time! I promise!)

Coming soon to The Ordinary Times...

2011-11-15T12:53:00.001-06:00

Just a quick note to remind you all (and myself!) that Advent is starting SOON, and yes, Virginia, I do plan to blog daily Advent devotions on The Ordinary Times blog. Mark your calendars for Sunday, November 27 for the first post; and add The Ordinary Times to your bookmarks or blog reader (or subscribe to receive posts via email).

I haven't decided for sure yet where I'll be taking scripture readings from, but as always I will post links to the scriptures with each daily post.

Thanks in advance for joining me this year! I can't believe it's almost here... but I'm excited to begin the journey once again!

Blessings!

What a difference a few chemicals make...

2011-10-29T07:12:00.000-05:00

Was:

Is:

I'm happy that I can put away the scary chemicals now... but I suspect that if I thought stripping paint was tiring and physical, sanding is going to kick my rear. I have even been too tired to knit after working on this for a few hours every day! But I'm excited at the prospect of another shopping trip to the hardware store, soon, to choose stain colors--a day I wasn't sure would be possible.

And, no doubt, another shopping trip (even sooner) for ibuprofen! :) (I have miles of Christmas gifts to knit before I sleep; can't afford to be slowed up by all this "hard" work!)

Encouraged.

2011-10-27T18:49:00.004-05:00

New (giant can of) paint stripper, steel bristled brush, cooler temps, and a whole new attitude:

"... she works with her hands with delight..."

Prov. 31:13

Labor of Love

2011-10-24T13:26:00.003-05:00

A couple of months after my grandmother's funeral, mom gave each of us "kids" a surprising gift... some money from Grandma's "estate." Mom's only request was that we try to use it (or at least a good part of it) for something that would be a keepsake.

You would never believe me if I told you how much anxiety this caused me.

For real.

I was close to Grandma... as the oldest grandchild, the one among my siblings who lived closest for the longest, the one who wrote letters back and forth for years (and years), the one who loved hand-crafting like she did. I felt strongly that I wanted to spend the money in a way that would honor her, that would be not just a keepsake but a tribute.

After much (!!) consternation, tears, brainstorming, I finally decided what I wanted... a prayer kneeler. She never had one herself but she was a pray-er. The last time I saw her, in fact, she said she hoped when she was gone people would remember that that's what she was. She believed no matter how far apart we were separated geographically, we were all connected in a "web of prayer," and she believed in being an on-your-knees pray-er especially for those most serious concerns.

The trouble is, a prayer kneeler isn't the kind of thing you can just run out and pick up. And once I knew I wanted one, I didn't want to sit around waiting for who-knows-how long. I started researching online, finding everything from inexpensive (boring) woodshop-made ones, to hundreds-of-dollars antiques (that cost more hundreds to ship). Finally we went out one Saturday morning just on the off chance that one of San Antonio's antique shops *might* have one.

We found 5 in the first 2 hours. And yes, I came home with one of them.

It wasn't what I'd imagined (how I wish I'd bought one years ago in England, when we visited a church antiques warehouse every few months just for fun!) but the price was right and in the antique store it looked pretty good.

Then I got it home.

And it didn't look so good anymore. C'mon in, Buyer's Remorse. Bad paint job, wonky nails, dried-on crud. (I'm ashamed to admit I planned to take a photo of it but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I was that bummed about it.) So it has been sitting in the garage since summer, waiting for me to decide the next step. Spend a bunch of money (probably more than the price of the thing itself) to have it professionally refinished? Probably the right choice--but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Frankly, it doesn't seem very Grandma-like. They weren't "pay a ton of money for something" people. They were "do it yourself and do a good job" people.

Plus, it doesn't seem very prayer-like to me to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on what amounts to a religious display piece, when real people are hungry for want of a few coins.

So I'm doing it myself. Starting today, armed with a slew of chemicals and scrapers and sanders and pretty much just keeping my fingers crossed.

I didn't take a "before" picture, but here's how it looked today when I remembered I should snap something to remind me where I started. (This is after I removed the cushions from the top and the bottom. They're currently covered with yellow velvet-like stuff... which will be replaced.)

The antique store guy told me it had been refinished, and that they'd tried to strip it but the wood had absorbed some finish so they just painted it all. Now that I've spent 90 minutes and 1/2 a can of stripper trying to remove LAYERS of paint from one little section, I'm thinking maybe he was......... *cough* mistaken. Still, a bit of happy news: there IS wood under there! See it?? And it even looks like I might be able to get to it... eventually.

And then there's that golden cross. I've been trying to imagine what kind of refinishing I might want to do on this. After spying that tiny bit of real wood, and getting a look at the white under the gold, I'm now considering trying to get the main body of the kneeler somewhat natural and woody, and leave the cross itself a distressed cream, maybe even with little bits of the gold left on the edges and corners?

At this rate I have no idea how long this project is going to take (but clearly I need to find a more effective route that paint stripper and a scraper to get all the layers off). It'll be a labor of love, I guess.

Just like Grandma's prayers.

I heart NY in the movies!

2011-10-21T08:30:00.003-05:00

So you're switching over to dvd and downloaded movies, and don't know what to do with your beloved VHS tapes?

After we filled a box or two of tapes for donation, there were a couple of old friends that I just couldn't bear to part with; dvds are better in so many ways, but I saved a few boxes of a few very favorite VHS tapes, thinking someday I might turn them into notebook covers or... something. I used "It's a Wonderful Life" last year for my Journal Your Christmas 2010 album. (Check out Shimelle's blog for info on my favorite project of the year!)

And this week I was thrilled to use "When Harry Met Sally" for a mini-album all about our favorite movies set in New York City! WM[squared] introduced a new addition to her Great Escape kit, Great Escape: New York, and after puzzling over what to do with it, I finally realized that I wanted to journal a bit about these favorite films!

This time, though, I flipped the box covers over so I could decorate the outsides, and see the movie images on the inside covers of my book.

I used the same journaling block on each page to tell a bit about the movie and why I love it, and added embellishments from the kit that coordinated with the movie itself.

I used the Zutter Bind-it-All and page protectors; the inner pages are just inexpensive 4x6 photo prints. And there are still several movies I need to add!!

And... doing this project made me realize that I also need to do movie journals of London and Chicago movies! *sigh* It never ends!! So if you need me, I'll be out scouring Goodwill stores for VHS copies of "Notting Hill" and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"...! :)

Awareness calendar printable

2011-10-08T07:34:00.002-05:00

One of "my" designers, WM[squared], has created a fabulous kit for Breast Cancer Awareness month called Be Aware... she's donating 20% of the kit proceeds to the Susan G. Komen foundation, and she let me create a printable freebie that is available on her blog:

CLICK HERE TO GO TO BLOG POST WITH DOWNLOAD

The 13 calendar pages (Oct. 2011-Oct. 2012) are sized at 4x6, so you can simply download the pages and send them off to your favorite one-hour developer for easy, inexpensive printing.

If you download, please don't share the files directly with others, but definitely DO share this message and the link to the WM[squared] blog so people can download their own calendars! While you're there you can check out all the amazing layouts and projects that the rest of the team created with this "think pink" kit.

Enjoy!

Halloween Countdown

2011-10-01T08:23:00.002-05:00

I know, I know... my last post in JULY (ouch!) said I was restructuring and going to be blogging more... and now here we are in OCTOBER (ouch! again!) and I have continued to neglect not one but two blogs! But I have a big ol' project post for you today, so here we go (click on the photos for larger versions):

For years I've had Christmas countdown calendars (yes, plural) but to be honest I'm not a huge Halloween fan, so I'd never made one for October. But when WM[squared] came out with this amazing "Frightful" collection it just screamed (get it? Halloween? screamed? ha!) "CALENDAR" to me! I started by googling some images for ideas, and found this one that inspired me to do this:

I started with an 11x14 artist's canvas and a stack of old sheet music (I considered using old book pages as well... any cool vintage black and white background would work!). I used gel medium to adhere the papers and then give them a finishing overcoat. (Note: I wrote in the WM[squared] blog post that gel medium does not cause bubbles/wrinkles in paper... well, it did this time. I suspect b/c the paper was old, thin, and somewhat brittle. Using smaller pieces of paper would have helped, I think. I just went with it and made it wrinkle and crease on purpose.... hey, it's Halloween, so a little funky texture should just add to it, right?) After the gel medium was dry enough--just 30 minutes, maybe--I painted the edges of the canvas and onto the front a bit with black paint, then wiped some off the front with a damp paper towel so it wasn't so opaque. I also used a gridded rolling stamp from Queen & Co. for a bit more texture around the corners.

When the paint was dry, I used gel medium to adhere the ribbons and ric-rac, criss-crossing the background, then (again, with gel medium) put a black button on top of each end of ribbon. The top title piece is in a black metal frame from Basic Gray, and the bottom corner has a funky flower made (oh-so-artfully, haha!) out of white tissue paper, folded and cut in circles and scrunched up. (When you use gel medium as an adhesive like this, it needs several hours - overnight to dry properly... but once dry, it is STRONG. I also used it to attach the hanging ribbon!)

As for the flags... they're all created with pieces of the "Frightful" collection. I wanted to be able to magically send them to a one-hour developer for printing, so I sized and arranged them to fit 4 flags (either triangular or rectangular) on a 4x6 photo print. I used a Frightful playing card as a clipping mask for the other rectangles (so they are all the same size and shape). For sturdiness, I backed each printed flag with either orange or black cardstock.

It was a fun project to do... I still may not really look forward to Halloween, but I think I might enjoy the counting down to it this year! :)

Happy October!

Blog Reconstruction!

2011-07-11T21:04:00.000-05:00

Dear readers, it's time for an update!

I've been thinking a lot about what to do with myself once I have two kids in schools (at least a couple days a week) this fall... and after I stop partying (ha!) I want to commit myself to more "vocational" writing and blogging; taking this medium (and my sense of calling to it) more seriously.

To that end, I am planning a blog reorganization. I will continue to have two blogs, but the new one (www.theordinarytimes.blogspot.com) will be focused specifically on scripture-based devotionals and reflections... the content you've been finding here for the past few Advent and Lenten seasons. My hope and intent is to blog the liturgical seasons throughout the year, rather than only the two "biggies." Please visit the brand-new blog, The Ordinary Times, and become a follower there if you'd like to continue to read my reflections (starting new this fall). There is an option there (as well as here) to "follow by email."

This blog, One Faithful Step, will stay active, but will become the home for my crafting, cooking, and other "everyday journeys." You are more than welcome to continue to follow One Faithful Step if you'd like to see scrapbook layouts and hybrid projects, knitting, recipes, and other "daily" things. The blog that has been my "second" for the past months, Be Gifted Scraps, will be going away, and all scrapbooky posts will live here at One Faithful Step.

My hope is that this reorganization will help me to be a more active blogger on more focused blogs, and to be sure that each will be full of content that reflects its purpose. Thanks for following and reading along... I hope to see you here or at The Ordinary Times in the near future! Blessings!

Advent, Day 28: Pondering

2010-12-25T21:19:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Luke 2:1-20

It is over.

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. (v. 19)

I wonder if, like me, Mary sat back at the end of this story and thought "How did it all go by so fast?" All the months of preparations--the gift lists, the shopping carts, the menu plans, the grocery stops, the wrapping and the cards and the lights and the crafts--and here we are, he is born, it's all done, and I look around and wonder where it all went. And all the generations of waiting for Messiah, all the prophecies, all the hopes, all the exile, all the oppression, all the fear and angel visitations and announcements and dreams and trimesters and donkey-rides and tax-paying and no-vacancies--and here we are. He is born. It's all done.

(Of course Mary's story, like mine, is only just beginning. That's something else worth pondering.)

It's time for a deep breath... the sigh of a woman who has only just been delivered; the sigh of a people who have been waiting centuries for this birth day. It's time for treasuring up the whole tale--the good, the bad, the ugly--all so real, so true, so necessary for this moment. It's time for pondering, soaking in, storing up inside ourselves all the songs of praise, the pangs of labor, the newborn cries. It's time to let go of all we did not accomplish, all the "to dos" left undone, all the I-meant-to-but-I-ran-out-of-times. It's time to rest, and to receive the blessing of the Day.

-------------------------------

Thanks once again for joining me this Advent. I hope these weeks have been full of blessing for you and your families. Merry Christmas!

Advent, Day 27: Conception

2010-12-24T15:37:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 1:18-25

We believe that the Christmas event--the pregnancy of a young woman, the angels' assurances, the Bethlehem road, the God With Us born into human flesh--was a singular, unique event in history.

But so much resonates with me from a Bible story like today's... I wonder if perhaps the Christmas story has to do with me, and with us, in ways we don't usually consider. The focus of this season is on the miracles and wonders of the incarnation, and rightly so. But the thoughts that I notice, rising to the surface of my mind and heart as I consider the characters and plot and conflicts of the occasion, have less to do with heady theology and more to do with the life that God may be conceiving in me.

Maybe we can even entertain the possibility that God's being born into our world is lived out in us every day: perhaps there are ways that we, like Joseph, are called to set aside our concerns about "public disgrace" and follow Love's way on a path we could not possibly have foreseen.

Perhaps we need to pay more attention to our dreams, for ourselves, for our children, for those we love.

Perhaps we need to believe that the Holy Spirit is at work in us, bringing to birth new ideas, new vocations, new hopes, new worlds.

I am convinced we often miss God's presence With Us because we routinely look for him in the wrong places--on thrones, on capitol hills, in CEO's offices, even behind pulpits. Maybe this Christmas reminds us that we need to be paying more attention to the world's mangers. And maybe we simply need to be reminded that we need to make sure we are putting ourselves in the places where God is at work.

And maybe, finally, we need to wake up. We need to wake up from the fantasy that our culture tends to promote as "normal" and "real." And maybe, with eyes wide open, we'll finally be able to trust God's leading down a road that takes us deep into a life of strange encounters, starry nights, and sacred moments--a road that leads us home.

Advent, Day 26: Greetings

2010-12-23T18:01:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Romans 1:1-7

grace and peace

were born to you on one starry middle-eastern night,

with no civilized place to rest

and only a trough for a throne

grace and peace

were promised to you through the generations;

spoken aloud from the pulpits

and in the stories in the streets;

sung in the people's psalms;

lifted up in prayer

grace and peace

call to you over the centuries,

offering a life of relentless love

in exchange for faithful obedience

grace and peace

are given to you and to

the Child of Grace

and

the Prince of Peace

you belong

Advent, Day 25: Restore us, O God

2010-12-22T15:15:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Psalm 80:1-7, 17-19

restore us, O God;

make your face shine upon us,

that we may be saved

we know we've strayed from

the green pastures where you fed us,

the careful paths where you led us;

Holy Shepherd,

hear us when we cry for you!

seek and find us,

and

restore us, O God;

make your face shine upon us,

that we may be saved

don't hold our humanness against us;

High King of our ancestors,

let go your anger,

nourish us no longer with tears.

remind us of our potential;

make us lights to the world

once again

and

restore us, O God;

make your face shine upon us,

that we may be saved

revive us with the breath of new life

(an infant cry, a father's sigh)

and we will speak your name like

children gathered in a mother's arms.

you raise up

a shoot from the stump of generations,

a son

from whom we cannot turn away.

through him,

you

restore us, O God;

through him you

make your face shine upon us,

that we may be saved

Advent, Day 24: Ready or not

2010-12-21T14:52:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Isaiah 7:10-16

This prophecy from Isaiah gives us some of the most famous words that we associate with Christmastime:

The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. (v. 14)

(You can almost hear the Hallelujah Chorus playing in the background, right?)

But this foretelling, upon which so much of the Christian faith hinges, is just one small part of Isaiah's message, which goes on to speak of coming destruction and even a bit about the personal growth of the promised child, "God With Us."

What fascinates me, though (and to be honest I'm not sure just what to make of it) is how this prophecy is initiated, in a conversation between God, Isaiah, and Ahaz, the king of Judah. In the face of a military rival, threatened by armies at the city gates, Ahaz is comforted by God, who encourages him to "stand firm in [his] faith, or [he] will not stand at all." (v. 9) God even offers Ahaz an unusual opportunity; God gives Ahaz the chance to request a sign from God, a visible reassurance that God will protect his faithful ones.

Ahaz, in his humility, declines the offer, saying "I will not put the Lord to the test."

I would've thought his deference would be a good thing, an indication of his unwillingness to make demands of God, or to try to force God's hand. (In Matthew chapter 4 verse 7, Jesus himself quotes Deuteronomy 6:16, specifically forbidding the people to put God to the test!) But instead of patting him on the back, Isaiah the prophet seems ready to bang his own head against a wall, or to grab Ahaz by the shoulders and give him a good shake! He even accuses the king of trying God's patience!

But whether or not Ahaz was ready to ask, God was ready to give the sign: a young woman, a child... an incarnation. Even if Ahaz's humility (or, perhaps, his lack of faith) got in the way, God's promise was going to be made. And for all of us, ready or not, that promise has been, is being, and will ever be fulfilled.

God, we don't want to be so presumptuous as to put you to the test, to send up demands and challenges. But we do want to be confident in asking you to include us in your work and in your promise. Open our eyes to the signs you show. Open our hearts to receive your comfort. Open our minds to possibilities that are beyond our understanding. Amen.

Advent, Day 21: What did you go out to see?

2010-12-18T15:28:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 11:2-11

What did you go out to see?

Was it the Santa in the streets,

his red hat bobbing and bells jingling,

velvet bag bursting with gifts

for all the good little children?

Was it the parade floating by,

mammoth balloons flying,

marching bands oom-pah-ing,

celebrities beaming?

Was it the lights glittering,

shapes of trees and snowflakes,

elves, Frosty? Was it the electric

twinkle that summoned you?

Was it the "sale" signs

singing their can't-live-without

bargains, their yes-you-can-too-buy-love

promises?

Or were you drawn out from your cozy home

by the prophet, crying out the word of redemption?

From the wilderness

of stores and songs and Saint Nicks,

the messenger is still

sent to prepare the Child's way; if we listen,

we can still hear his voice above the crowds and

carols, calling out the faithful

to ready their hearts for the coming King:

the sight-giver,

the walk-maker,

the sore-healer,

the sound-restorer,

the gospel-preacher.

What will you go out to see?

Advent, Day 20: Patience

2010-12-17T19:01:00.006-06:00

Today's reading: James 5:7-10

I remember so clearly what it was like, this time of year, about 25 years ago (okay, maybe more than 25... let's not talk about that, though, okay?). When the stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed like an eternity, and the closer Christmas came, the slower time seemed to move. It was agonizing--not to be overly dramatic--but, seriously, agonizing.

What happened??

Today, I can't believe there's only a week left and not nearly time to do all the things remaining on my "want to do" list. Already I feel like I've missed the season--this season, that once upon a time seemed to last practically for-ev-er. I haven't found (okay, made) time to listen to my favorite cds, or watch my favorite movies, or read any of the numerous books in the book basket. I haven't made any salt-dough ornaments, or any sugar cookies, or any cinnamon bread. For all my attempts at daily blog posts and daily scrapbook pages and putting "pay attention" in bold print at the top of my list, I'm afraid Christmas will come and go and I will have missed it.

It's a very strange feeling, to be nostalgic about the old days, when being patient was a necessary and painful discipline, very nearly beyond my tolerance. I think maybe the patience I could barely show in my childhood was much more of a virtue than the thinly-disguised panic and loss I seem to experience as an adult. How I would love to experience Christmas with the kind of anticipation and eagerness that saturated my childhood!

It is difficult for me to relate to today's text from James... except when I think back to the waiting days of December all those years ago. How much more must the prophets have looked toward the coming Messiah... and how much more do we, still, today. But we can't learn to wait, and we can't learn the virtue of patience, when we are frantic, distracted every moment by the imagined imperatives of right-this-minute. We can't experience the joyful delight and the yearning of Advent when we've lost the child's sense of expectation for what is to come.

"Slowing down" is not an unusual reminder at this time of year; many people make every attempt to simplify the season, to de-commercialize Christmas, to focus on the reasons we celebrate. But I think maybe there's even more to it than that. Perhaps, as James reminds us, the very practice of patience is its own gift: it begins with excitement, lived out in faithful watching, and is rewarded by the promised arrival.

In the coming week, as the days seem to speed up even more, may we all experience the kind of slow-down that we knew as children: when, in our eagerness, we were able to learn how to wait.

Advent, Day 19: Timeline

2010-12-16T17:33:00.003-06:00

Today's readings: Psalm 146:5-10, and Luke 1:47-55

It could be that there's a fine line between faith and delusion.

I realize that's a rather unconventional (and even a bit negative) way to begin an Advent reflection, but there it is. It's hard for me not to think that way, when I read Mary's hymn of praise in Luke chapter 1, the text commonly known as The Magnificat. (The Latin "Magnificat anima mea Dominum" means "My soul magnifies the Lord," the first words of the song.)

Mary seems to toe right up to that line between confident belief and complete fantasy. Here, after all, is a young and unmarried woman, carrying new life in her womb. Here is a woman whose husband-to-be has the option (and every right) to have her sent away or even stoned for her condition. Here's a woman in a community living under intense oppression, with only the prophets' promises of a coming king who will bring victory at last.

And yet she sets fear aside, commits to a life as the "Lord's servant" and "favored one," and goes on not to cower in a corner to await her fate, but to sing praise for God's magnificence. But not God's future magnificence, in some distant day when the prophets' visions will be fulfilled---for Mary seems to understand that God's future is already true. The verbs give it away; she sings not what God will do; instead, she sings with utter faith that God's mighty work has already been accomplished:

"he has scattered those who are proud"

"he has brought down rulers from their thrones"

"he has filled the hungry with good things"

"he has helped his servant Israel"

It's an incredible statement of faith from a life where the power is held by the proud; where the rulers bask in their palaces; where the hungry languish; where the chosen people are the world's doormat.

Mary's faith may seem delusional--even today, thousands of years later, pride is rampant, the wealthiest rulers hold sway, the streets are full of starvation, and God's people suffer. And yet she seemed to have a glimpse into what it may mean that God is beyond our understanding of time. In human terms, time is linear--it moves in a straight line, around a clock face, through the pages of calendars. It moves in only one direction: past is behind us and cannot be revisisted; the present demands all our attention; the future is a mystery, and we cannot dodge it's imminent arrival.

God's timeline, though, is without boundary and beyond the constraints of counting. God's existence in eternity may mean that God's past, present, and future are indistinguishable. All three ARE. All three are NOW. It could be that what we humans describe as "God knowing the future" may be better understood by considering that God's future already IS.

I think Mary had a glimpse of this. The kind of redemption she sang about in the Magnificat was certainly far off for the Hebrew people (and for the world ever since). But she seemed to have a view of the future from God's boundless perspective, where God's care, his equalization, his blessing already ARE. Our praise, too, can celebrate God's timelessness and timeline-less-ness: praise God who saves! Praise God who comes to be with us! Praise God who lifts up those who suffer! Praise God who feeds those who hunger! Praise God who shows mercy to his people!

May we, like Mary, make ourselves available to God's unique calls; and may we, like Mary, magnify his name.

Advent, Day 17: Return

2010-12-14T20:48:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Isaiah 35

when He comes

He will return us to health

(we

who are weary,

heavy-laden;

whose throats are parched,

whose hands are weak,

whose knees are unsteady;

whose hearts are full of fear)

when He comes

He will return us to joy

(we

whose blindness is absolute;

whose ears perceive only silence;

who cannot stand

yet cannot move

while the ground beneath us burns)

when He comes

He will return us to the Way

(we

who have lost our

sense of direction;

who have forsaken our path

for other, easier routes;

who need to be reminded

where we are)

when He comes

He will return us to singing

(we

who have very nearly

let sorrow

overcome our joy)

when He comes

(let it be soon)

He will return us

to Life

Advent, Day 11: Children of stones

2010-12-08T18:11:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 3:1-12

God,

raise us up to be children

of the stones

let us not presume ourselves to be

the righteous ones

just because we're the regular attenders,

or the brightest scholars,

or the rule-followers,

or the law-makers,

or even because we're the progeny of

the faithful

remind us that our

religious ancestry alone

does not clinch our belonging,

but is the foundation

upon which we must build

if we desire to be counted

among the stars in the sky

among the grains of sand

God,

raise us up to be children

of the stones

Advent, Day 10: Hope

2010-12-07T15:53:00.002-06:00

Today's reading: Romans 15:4-13

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus... (v. 4)

By all accounts, we live in a hopeless time. At least if you listen to those who'd like us to believe that our future is doomed, our finances are doomed, our democracy-loving world is doomed, our safety and security are doomed... all the dire warnings of those who would sell us things to save us, and those who would like us to vote them into power so they can do the job.

I don't know about you, but I think I can do without that kind of "saving."

Unfortunately, when that message is so loud, so insistent, it is hard to ignore, and we can be guilted into buying in, voting in, by the sheer volume of the noise. Surely the strongest voice must be the right one? Surely the most convinced argument is the best one? Surely the largest majority is the winning one?

The spirit of fear is a manipulator and a mercenary: it twists truth in order to kill off hope, seeking only wealth and power. And it will do so "in God's name" without even a flinch to give away its deception.

We do not live in a hopeless time; rather, we live on an earth that has always struggled in the balance between fright and promise, on the battlefield between fear and hope. (Maybe we were just too willing to believe that we were immune?) But the enduring God offers us not only a vision of the eternal reign of peace and justice, but encouragement for this day. Encouragement that we do not need to believe the fear-mongers, because even the so-called solutions are passing. Encouragement that unity, acceptance into a loving community founded on faith and trust in the One True Hope, is our home security. Encouragement that the voice of praise can, and always will, out-sing and out-last the voice of fear.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (v. 13)

Advent, Day 9: Endurance.

2010-12-06T15:15:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Psalm 72:1-17, 18-19

He will endure as long as the sun,

as long as the moon,

through all generations. (v. 5)

Our culture, particularly in America, is not a big fan of things that endure. We're more interested in the disposable, the replaceable, the trendy. We've made a sport of the destruction of cars; the "honor" of pushing the button to dynamite a building is a prize to be won. At this season, especially, we are inundated with reminders that our old ______ (fill in the blank!) is not good enough and we really should replace it with _______ if we want to be happy. The Next Big Thing always replaces the previous "big thing," and before long we barely remember what was so great about it in the first place, as we look forward to all that's still awaiting our discovery.

For my family, a military family that moves frequently, we replace not only material things but home addresses, school attendance, and church membership with regularity. In fact, not to put it too bluntly, but in a sense even our relationships (at least our in-person friendships) are replaced every couple of years. "Endurance" in our experience means a home-base that lasts as much as 24 or 36 months... and there are times when we are even thankful for this transience, when we know that we never have to "stick it out" too long in situations that aren't our ideal.

All of this, I think, means that Psalm 72 and its promises of God's enduring reign are more difficult for us to understand than we would care to admit. In the insiders' language of Christian-ese, we talk with confidence and conviction about the "eternal" and the "everlasting." But it seems our Christian culture is often trumped by our contemporary culture, and we don't even realize that we've so firmly acclimated to our short attention span and our keeping-up-with-the-Joneses striving. We have been told (and I think we've often believed) that all that matters is this. This house, this holiday, this issue, this relationship, this election, this right, this project, this paragraph, this task, this technology. This now.

Yes, all of our days matter, as they are a part of eternity. But can we be fully invested in now when all our nows, and all our this-es, are disposable--replaceable--only urging us on to the coming, and chronically transient, next?

God's eternity has already begun; it is not the Next Big Thing. In God's version of endurance, in the reign of peace and justice, the full Presence of the Holy One is engaged in a lasting This. All eternity, "as long as the sun, as long as the moon, through all generations," is Now.

Everlasting God, teach us what it truly means to be about the things that endure; help us to release our grasp on the disposable promises and priorities of our culture. Remind us that our investment in each day is not for our own benefit but for the building of your reign. Amen.

Advent, Day 8: The Tale of Two Trees

2010-12-05T18:04:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Isaiah 11:1-10

in the beginning

the Tree

was a temptation

(come, eat, here's

a feast of knowledge

meant for you,

woman, man.

be fed and never

again crave wisdom.

you know you want to.)

the deception of knowledge

for its own sake,

for the cultivation of power,

for the accumulation of self-worth,

for the effortless garnering of God-ness

that fruit was bitter:

(shame

pain

exile)

the Creator heartbroken,

firm, and kind

as a parent:

after the judgment,

the consolation

(clothes for warmth,

a growing family)

and after comfort,

always,

hope:

a second Tree to come

a Tree sprung from the dried-up stump

a fruit-bearing Branch from the deadwood

whose nourishment is ripe for harvest,

inviting all to partake:

promising knowledge, yes,

but instead of the tempter's lure to be God,

this Spirit nourishes with the knowledge

of God:

the wisdom of justice

(blind to the glitter of wealth,

deaf to the whine of self-importance)

the power of righteousness

(the Word of counsel shaping earth's form

even as it did in the first days)

the community of peace

(no harm, no destruction in this

sacred story)

two Trees

still today.

one tale that is ours.

a once upon a time

we walk within every day:

a paradise setting, a promising plot,

an omnicient Narrator,

an epic failure.

a happily ever after

we choose, time and again,

to believe in.

may it come soon.

Advent, Day 6: Behold, He comes

2010-12-03T22:16:00.004-06:00

Behold, He comes,
riding on the clouds,
shining like the sun
at the trumpet call!
Lift your voice,
it's the year of jubilee!
Out of Zion's hill
salvation comes!

("Days of Elijah," lyrics by Donnie McClurkin. Hear the song on YouTube: HERE)

Thinking about the readings of this week, I couldn't help but remember this song. The prophet, the Psalmist, the Gospel writer, and the Epistle writer were all meditating on Messiah... the day that is to come, when Messiah's arrival will herald the in-breaking of God's eternal Kingdom. They were experiencing Advent, as we are today--a time of waiting, of preparation, of expectation.

This art journal page is my attempt to give a "visual" representation of some of the ideas from the scriptures this week.... the rising sun, the unknown hour.

It is my prayer that the "hope" of this first week of Advent will permeate our lives, and that we will embody that promised Kingdom, even as we await its arrival.

Digital art journal page includes supplies by SherrieJD (background page), Britt-ish Designs (burst background), Erica Zane (yellow circles), WM[squared] Designs (large clock face), Gina Marie Huff (stamped clocks), Michelle Coleman (stamped alpha), Jen Yurko (small brad)

Map of ancient Israel from the Duke University Library online

(FYI the clock's center is on Bethlehem :) )

Advent, Day 5: A prayer, in time

2010-12-02T15:10:00.004-06:00

"You who live in eternity,
hear the prayers of those of us who live in time..."
Rich Mullins

Is it easy to be timeless,

God?

To have no need to look back

or to strain forward?

To be fully present in this

and every

moment?

It is easy to be timeless,

when every memory

is happening now,

and every dream

is always true?

Is it easy to experience

(not just to know

but to Be)

everything that was,

that is,

that is to come?

It is easy to summon tears

for the past,

when the past is still

a part of Your today?

Is it easy to quell the fears

for the future,

when the future holds no questions,

only answers?

Is it easy to make space

within your Self

to gather all remembrance,

all presence,

all expectation in one single

eternity?

Timeless God,

we trust all our time

to You.

Grant us gratitude for what has been.

Grant us bright hope for what awaits.

Grant us grace,

for now.

Amen.

Advent, Day 4: Before the flood

2010-12-01T16:20:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 24:36-44

these are the days

before the flood

(we know rain is coming,

keep testing the air for moisture,

watch the barometer readings,

feel our joints stiffening

in warning of the changing

weather)

we hold our weddings

while clouds darken the horizon

we toil in the fields of our work,

keep our houses,

plan our menus, feed our families,

put our children to bed, and

close our eyes to sleep ourselves

while thunder rumbles

but despite our best efforts,

our wisest meteorologists and

our so-called prophets

the storm will surely

catch us unawares

for no one knows the hour

it will unleash its drenching power

and no one knows the day

when we will be swept away

these are the days

so let us now make ready

(how can we make ready?)

every day

we live

before the flood

Advent, Day 3: Daylight

2010-11-30T18:39:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Romans 13:11-14

The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber... the night is nearly over; the day is almost here. (vv. 11-12)

I am the lucky mother of a Morning Person. A Morning Person who is not content to sit in his toddler bed, quietly reading books or playing with stuffed friends while the rest of the family get the sleep we so badly need. No, he is a Morning Person who wants to spend his mornings with the people he loves. Lucky us.

So I am very often awakened from my slumber to experience nights that are nearly over, and days that are almost here. (I think it is safe to assume that Paul was not a parent... if he had been, I'm confident he would not have written so pleasantly about being awake in the pre-dawn!) I can't say that I have ever greeted those days with much enthusiasm, or looked forward to the coming sunlight with great anticipation!

But Advent reminds us that a Light is coming; a New Day is on the verge of breaking, and it's a long-awaited one, a bright glow of all that is good. And not only are we invited to be roused awake when it rises, but we ourselves can be a part of all that shines. We can leave behind all the dramas of the dark, all those choices and failings and evils we'd most like to hide, and we can instead choose a wardrobe of the Son. We can help to bring the Light--to kindle every flame of hope, peace, love, and joy... to celebrate every sunrise. Our expectation, our anticipation, our preparation for that Day help to open our hearts and our world to welcome him.

Let us awaken now. The hour has come.

Advent, Day 2: Psalm for peace

2010-11-29T22:51:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Psalm 122

within you

find humility

to the One

who is above all

and through all

and in all

[for war is made

by those who cannot afford to

kneel to another]

within you

find obedience

to the statues of the Lord

[for war is made

by those who set

their own rules]

within you

find a common voice

with all

who come to worship

[for war is made

by those who

cannot hear another voice

than their own]

within you

find security for

those you love and even

for those whom God alone

loves

[and war is often made

by those]

within you, my brother,

my sister, my friend,

find peace

Advent, Day 1: Christmas Yet to Come

2010-11-28T20:52:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Isaiah 2:1-5

Christmas is ripe with nostalgia. (This is a huge understatement in my world.) This season can be almost overwhelming for me, with the memories and emotions evoked by every song, activity, movie, meal, worship service... at times I feel overcome by a strange, tearful combination of grief and gratitude for all the Christmas seasons I remember.

Advent, however, is different. Advent is about the One who is Yet To Come, who is on the way to us. Advent turns our focus to a time that is still ahead of us, drawing us forward: a day when all nations will ascend the Lord's mountain to be instructed in God's ways. A day when disputes will be righteously settled, and when the implements of war will no longer be needed.

In Advent we anticipate the coming King, and the coming Kingdom of inconceivable peace and undeniable justice... such as only God can fulfill.

But the prophet Isaiah calls us--not to wait, fidgeting and biting our nails until God finally follows through to establish this fantastical reign--but to "come" and "walk" and to begin the Kingdom journey now.

Our family saw a (very abbreviated) stage version of "A Christmas Carol" today. As always, Scrooge was transformed by the visions that he saw--the nostalgias of Christmas Past, the realities of Christmas Present, and the threat of Christmas Yet to Come. The Yet to Come terrified him with its awful predictions: simply put, death and more death. Scrooge's great lesson was the truth that his present-day life, his choices, his relationships, had everything in the world to do with the future that awaited him.

The vision Isaiah gives of the Yet to Come has everything in the world to do with us. It is a future that can be ours, a future that we can jump into now with every one of our lives, every choice, every relationship. Ebenezer Scrooge changed his life in order to avoid the future that he saw; we, on the other hand, are yearning toward the Kingdom that has been foretold. We are called to be changed, called to lives that reflect that bright future. We are called to walk in its Light, today.

May this Advent season be abundant with merry memories, but may it also lead us to walk ever closer to that which is Yet to Come: the newborn Love, the shining Light, the reign of Peace.

Beginning, Again

2010-11-27T09:38:00.003-06:00

Despite the remarkable (if I do say so myself) number of holiday tasks I have already checked off the to-do list, I still can't quite believe that it is That Time Again! I think the Southern California weather confuses me... my Midwestern brain doesn't grasp that the autumn and winter holidays still come even while the sun is shining, the grass is green, and the orange and palm trees sway (as the song goes). But even here in Fantasyland, tomorrow begins the season of Advent, and once again I'm undertaking the discipline of daily(ish) blogging and sharing reflections of the season with you.

If you're a new reader, here's my disclaimer: these devotions are by no means well-researched, backed by hours of theological study. Each day's reflection is based on a scripture reading, but in order to keep up with a daily practice I give myself permission to write in a "first impressions," "off the cuff" style as I read and reflect on the texts. Over the month I will be writing prayers, poems, maybe a hymn lyric or two, prose reflections, an occasional thought-list. In them you'll find places where I am challenged or struggling, questions I'm asking, and hopefully some gentleness and encouragement through these days of holiday-making.

If you'd like to add me to your blog reader, you can "follow me" with the button in the left sidebar. Please feel free to share the blog with your friends!

For this year's scripture readings I am turning to the traditional Advent lectionary texts that many churches use for their Sunday worship. Each week incorporates an Old Testament prophet, a Psalm, a New Testament epistle, and a Gospel reading. I'll be splitting up those texts into four separate days; the remaining days of the week may include further reflection on the whole week's group of texts, or other random thoughts (or days off!). Each day I will link to the day's reading so you can quickly click and read the text online if you like.

Here is the reading list for the whole season:

Week 1: Nov. 28-Dec. 4

Isaiah 2:1-5

Psalm 122

Romans 13:11-14

Matthew 24:36-44

Week 2: Dec. 5-11

Isaiah 11:1-10

Psalm 72:1-7, 18-19

Romans 15:4-13

Matthew 3:1-12

Week 3: Dec. 12-18

Isaiah 35:1-10

Psalm 146:5-10

James 5:7-10

Matthew 11:2-11

Luke 1:47-55

Week 4: Dec. 19-25

Isaiah 7:10-16

Psalm 80:1-7, 17-19

Romans 1:1-7

Matthew 1:18-25

I'll select a reading for Christmas Day as it gets closer!

Thank you for joining me for this Advent journey. I hope this season is full of hope, peace, love, and joy for you and your family.

Learning Something New...

2010-09-05T18:49:00.003-05:00

I'm such a fan of Shimelle's Journal Your Christmas--so glad I'm able to participate in another daily scrapping project she hosts every September called "Learn Something New Everyday." It is a wonderful exercise in paying attention--not necessarily going out of your way to pick up a new piece of knowledge, bit of vocabulary, or marketable skill--but to learning the lessons of daily life.

Throughout this month I'll share my pages here in bunches; maybe they'll inspire you to look for lessons in your daily walk as well.

(Pages are 5x7 based on digital templates by Connie Prince and using Back to School papers by WM[squared] and a variety of digi embellishments. Photos are TTV shots taken using a Kodak Duaflex III and dSLR Nikon D40.)

On #36, and Trusting the Process

2010-08-22T22:18:00.006-05:00

I turned 36 on Friday. And the first thing I did was lose my car keys. On top of the car.

It struck me that this did not bode well for the coming year(s).

The past few years, my birthdays have been occasions of reflection and anticipation. Two birthdays ago, I was anticipating my husband's departure on a military deployment. Last year, I was anticipating his return and our family's relocation. This year we're all here (though looking forward to another move in 6 months or so) and my reflections have less to do with our family situation and my changing relationships than with me, myself.

There have been many (many) moments in the past year when I've felt stuck--in a limbo between long-term residences, in a jumble of childrens' toys, in a perpetual summertime (well, okay, that's not always so bad). In-between callings. On hold for some Future Day when I'll finally have the time, energy, and inclination to live the life I always thought I wanted.

News flash (Self, are you paying attention?): THIS IS YOUR LIFE. And you like it. You really like it.

So now I'm 36. And this is how I'm starting my New Year: by learning TTV (Through the Viewfinder) photography, using a 1950's Kodak Duaflex camera in conjunction with my Nikon D40 to create vintage images (like the one above). By committing, yet again, to get healthy (goal: to SugarBust, exercise 4 days/week, and lose 20 pounds by the time we move in March). By remembering how much I love to learn, gaining new skills and reviving old ones (French lit, anyone?). And by joining an online "caravan" of artists, reflecting on weekly themes and marking the journey with art:

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." Goethe

In this New Year, I want to trust. I want to trust myself, and I want to be trustworthy, a good steward of all the gifts and tools I've been given: my spouse, my children, my extended family and friends, my faith, my education, my creativity, my bank account. My words. My craft supplies. My iMac. :) All the provisions for my journey have been entrusted to me already. I want to trust myself to use them to their best and fullest--so that I can live to my best and fullest.

I want to trust the process of art, and of life: the process of each single step, each single choice contributing to the journey. I want to trust that having a "pretty" piece to show off at the end is irrelevant, because the On The Way is what matters.

Let's go.

Day 6: Fur, Feather, Scales and Skin, Scales and Skin

2010-08-03T19:20:00.002-05:00

Today's reading: Genesis 1:24-25

Please don't ask me to explain why I am blogging so sporadically, and about such seemingly random selections of scripture... but... just by chance, my child learned this song at zoo day camp today. (No, I didn't purposely delay this "wild beasts and livestock" reading for zoo camp week!) It's sung to the tune of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes": "Fur, feathers, scales and skin, scales and skin..."

Just hearing that little tune now reminds me of the vast variety of furry, feathery, scaly, and skin-y creatures we saw while we roamed the zoo grounds. The tawny frogmouth with his bright-yellow throat; he's too heavy to be much of a flier, and his feet and beak are too weak to tear up prey, so he mostly sits in a tree open-mouthed and waits, sending out a "hey-bugs-c'mon-in-I'm-just-a-pretty-flower" vibe. The black milk snake, whose body moves with incredible S-shaped grace, one scale at a time. Two zebras about the business of "being fruitful and multiplying." The armadillo, curled up into a secure croquet-ball, rather like his Alice in Wonderland relations. The vultures, whose feathers cover only their bodies while their heads are bald--all the better for digging deep into their dinners.

It's no wonder that the Creator found all of this to be "good." It reminds me a bit of another scripture, Romans 8:28, which says that "all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to his purpose." All these things--the creatures' camouflage, the shining and shifting scales, the copulation, the safety of the shell, the scavengers--work for the good of the creature, and of the whole creation. Even when this wildlife seems bloody, dirty, and savage, it is in fact working to God's design, and to the beauty, variety, and wonder of God's purpose.

Can the same be said for us?

Day 5: Feather and Fin

2010-07-14T16:33:00.003-05:00

Today's reading: Genesis 1:20-23

you who are meant to swim,

stop simply wading

and dive deep:

the oceans are your

superhighways,

the lakes

your country lanes

go--

float,

jump,

splash your route

across earth's endless waters

explore them,

claim them,

fill them with your families

you who are meant to soar,

fear not the first leap!

take flight!

the skies are your open roads,

the trees

your resting roosts.

go--

flap,

glide,

wing your route

toward earth's endless horizons

pursue them,

dream them,

tell of them to your children

Day 4: Light and darkness.

2010-07-12T16:39:00.002-05:00

Today's reading: Genesis 1:14-19

"Let there be lights... to mark seasons and days and years..." (v. 14b)

As I've said to a couple people in the past few weeks--thank goodness God had more stick-to-it-iveness about performing Creation than I have had about blogging it, or the world would have water and a few plants, and that's it... LOL

But I'm still here, a few weeks older and a good bit sadder and maybe even a little wiser than the last time I posted. And somehow today's reading seems right, right now. In a season of my own life that feels (frustratingly and unendingly) transitional. In a season of personal waiting, wondering what will be next for my own becoming. In a season of motherhood when, for the first time, I have started to worry about the dangers, dramas, and "fine learning opportunities" my children will face as they learn to live in a world where not everyone loves them.

And in a season when, even as I watch my young children grow, a friend of mine is mourning the death of her son, who was an Army Ranger in Afghanistan. She held his hand the way I do my boys'. She worried about him on the playground, and on his first day of school. She invested in the everyday of his childhood and prayed for the future adult he would become. The way I do for my children. And I'm heartbroken for her, and for all mothers, because this is what it is about, isn't it? Loving them, putting everything we have into them, lifting up every prayer we know how to put into words (and even those we don't), and then trusting--hoping--that the God of light and darkness is unendingly, unfailingly good. Even when this life, this messy, joyful, painful life, isn't.

The God of light is also, thankfully, the God of the darkness. The Creator shaped them both, named them, and gave them purpose. In light we open wide, we grow, we green, we bloom. But in darkness we rest, we gather in, we cocoon, we wait. And the fullness of time is made of these: light and dark, twisting into days, years, seasons.

May the God of all life's seasons bring peace, and soon.

Day 3: Growing things

2010-06-16T16:30:00.001-05:00

Today's reading: Genesis 1:11-13

Maybe, just maybe, I don't have to work so hard, and worry so much.

Just maybe things were made to grow as they should. Maybe the land that has been so lovingly formed will produce what it will; maybe it will bear the fruit it was designed to bear. Maybe it's not my sweat that makes it happen.

Maybe, instead, I need to release my grasp, stop making it all about me, stop trying to twist the landscape to suit my own purposes and priorities. Stop trying to make apple trees bear oranges.

Maybe I can take a deep breath, receive the nourishment I am offered, and call it good.

Day 2: Water

2010-06-15T16:55:00.002-05:00

Today's reading: Genesis 1:6-10

I don't remember a whole lot of stuff I learned in high school, but periodically (randomly), tidbits of information surface (it often happens when we're watching Jeopardy, which is a pleasant boost to my self-esteem). One such tidbit is a nugget of literary wisdom, something to keep in mind no matter what you're reading: water is a universal symbol for life. For obvious reasons, it's a birth image, and a rebirth image (the Jewish mikvah, the Christian baptism). Water flows, it cycles, it moves.

It moves.

I've often heard the conventional wisdom that our bodies are designed for motion (she said, sitting behind her computer screen... hehe...). But not only our bodies, but our world, it seems, was designed to move. From the earliest days, cycles of light and dark shaping our measurement of time. Collections of water continuously cycling through condensation, flowing from one end of the globe to the other.

Life is not meant to sit still. Life changes. Life flows.

And--for those of us inclined to hide under cover of excuses--life doesn't give up and plop down on the sofa with a bag of potato chips when there are rocks in the way, or when a drought devastates, or when the earth itself shakes and changes its landscape and our course.

Water finds a way to move. Life finds a way to move.

And so must we.

Day 1: Beginning

2010-06-14T15:36:00.002-05:00

Welcome back. Welcome back, self. And welcome back, reader, whoever you may be.

If you've been here before, you probably know the drill. A scripture reflection from me--a poem, a prayer, a bit of prose, a list, or even just a line or two--every day. It's a discipline I'm taking on for myself--a bit of reading, reflection, and writing daily (more or less), and taking the risk of putting it out into the cyber universe. Unlike previous "sessions," this one isn't attached to a liturgical season; this time, these writings (and the selections of scriptures they're based on) are part of a larger personal project I'm hoping to build over the coming year.

A word of warning: the reflections you read here may or may not be based on any amount of "study"... for the most part, I'm responding to the scripture texts in a very personal and "first impressions" kind of way. I'm not reading commentaries and doing Hebrew-language research. I am, however, reading other works related to the topics I'm meditating on (for example, recently I've been reading several books on the Jewish faith, traditions, and worship--in preparation for blogging about Genesis and Exodus and the stories of the origination of the Jewish people). All that said, I hope you'll be encouraged and challenged and enriched by reading my writings here... but do, please, be aware that you may encounter the use of "creative license"!

Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Today's reading: Genesis 1:1-5

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was without form and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said...

... let there be light.

Out of chaos, out of encompassing darkness, a Voice.

(Not a daily planner, not a brainstorming web, not a "to do" list, not a calculator or a compass or a spreadsheet. But a Voice. A Speaker. A Presence in the void.)

Today is a beginning. And what I'd really like is a planner, a list, a spreadsheet. I'd love a compass--because for the first time in my life, I'm not sure where I'm going. There has always been a plan: a gold star to earn, a degree program to complete, a job to qualify for. But on this day, at this beginning, I don't have a goal for myself--nothing to reach toward, no endpoint beckoning in the distance.

And I feel frozen in that emptiness. Unable to speak, to move, to start.

But in the beginning, God said... In the beginning, God didn't ponder the options, didn't stop to sketch out ideas, didn't make a lengthy pro/con list. In the beginning, God started. Put words out into the dark, and summoned a new day. Set a world in motion by personally engaging, by giving it the most basic form, by naming its parts.

Is it possible that creation is just this way: intuitive (taking each step, faithfully, one by one), joyful (celebrating goodness, uninhibited by fears of what may come), taking shape naturally (with or without blueprints)? Is it possible that I'm allowed to do it, too---to be personal and present, to speak out into the dark future, and to say just one thing for now? Is it possible that the journey to the Promised Land begins here? Now?

Coming Soon: Summer.

2010-06-10T10:30:00.002-05:00

Yes, this blog is still active (even if I haven't been so active ON it). And yes, I do have every intention of starting to post again.

Starting Monday. (Putting it in writing and sending it out into the universe=commitment, right?)

Summer hasn't quite started yet in our house (one more week of preschool--boo hoo!), but it is coming soon and I am not ready. Not ready to entertain the troops all day every day to keep them from watching tv from wakeup to goodnight. Not ready to set myself up for good health so I can FINALLY (!!!) stop saying "I need to lose weight." (Can I just say, after 15 years or so of being up and down and mostly up on the scale, the idea that I might someday NOT have to worry about it seems like a dream. It's hard to believe that is even a possibility.) And I am not ready to put some serious fingers-to-keyboard effort into the self-assigned project I've cooked up--what will be, hopefully, in a year or so, a finished manuscript with which I can celebrate 10 years of ordination.

I declare this weekend my planning weekend. I'm going to choose an exercise bike. I'm going to choose a healthy eating program and organize my recipes and meal planning. I'm going to consider our summer calendar and begin planning activities.

And here on the blog, I'm going to sketch out a reading/writing plan for Genesis and Exodus... the stories of a people on the road.

So it all starts Monday. This is it. I'm ready. (I think.)

Art journal break! (With thanks to Jean.)

2010-04-10T11:38:00.004-05:00

pilgrim journey:

prepare the way

imagine new life

break bread

take notes

share the load

build altars

tell stories

remember

Easter Sunday: Risen!

2010-04-04T22:18:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 16

The Lord is risen!

We've seen the stone rolled away. We've glanced inside the tomb, seen the empty space where his body had been placed. We've heard the good news, the great news: Death has no victory here! And we've heard the instruction: Go, and tell! The songs of this day help us recount the story: "Christ the Lord is risen today! Hallelujah!" "Up from the grave he arose!" "I know that my redeemer lives!" "He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!"

The stories we tell, and even the songs we sing help us communicate what we believe, and help us celebrate even those things that we "hope for, but have not seen" with our human eyes. How Jesus was born, how he lived and loved, how he died and how he defeated death, and (I noticed this morning, in one worship song we sang on this Resurrection Day) how he then ascended to heaven. The Apostles' Creed, a long-standing traditional affirmation of Christian belief, does this same little trick, jumping directly from "rose from the dead" to "ascended to the right hand of God."

But something very important--I would even go so far as to say something vital--happens in between Jesus' resurrection from the dead, and his being lifted up into the sky: he lives! He lives again, on earth, in a body, with us! After his death and rising, he is no ghost, no apparition. He's no floating diety, sprouting wings and sporting a spiffy new halo. The very miracle of his resurrection is not that he immediately and fantastically rises directly up to his heavenly home. The miracle of resurrection is that he comes back here. He's comforting his grieving friends; challenging his disciples for their (continued) lack of faith; directing them to get out into the world, teaching and baptizing and healing. In other gospel stories, he's cooking a beach-side breakfast and advising on fishing strategies; he's walking home with some friends and breaking bread; he's showing them his wounds, and having some supper; he's giving Great Commissions.

In fact, his ascension into heaven gets less air-time in the gospels than his baptism, or his temptation in the wilderness, or the transfiguration. This event, on which our tradition places so much lyrical and credal importance, is reported in exactly two verses in the entire four gospels (if you're curious: in Mark and in Luke), with one additional brief mention at the beginning of Acts. It's certainly an understated occurrence, and maybe even (dare I say it?) anti-climactic.

So let us not end this season of Lent by rushing to bid Jesus farewell as we watch him sail away into the sky. Let us honor his love for us and for our world--such a love that he came to give his life for us, and such a love that he returned to life to return to us. Let us welcome him back from the grave to the home he has with us. Let us walk alongside him on the journey. Let us be nourished by him, and let us eat at his table. Let us receive his teachings, and let us follow his instructions. Let us tell the world: The Lord is risen!

He is risen indeed!

------

Friends, thank you for sharing this journey of Lent with me. I hope these weeks have been an encouragement to you and have helped you to participate meaningfully in this season. It has been a challenge and a great joy for me to read and write through Mark's Gospel, and I'm grateful for the companionship I've felt along the way.

I'll be taking a breather now... but I plan to be back in upcoming weeks, possibly with another walking-through-a-Bible-book writing practice. I hope you'll join me then.

In the meantime---

The Lord bless you and keep you.

The Lord cause his face to shine upon you

and be gracious unto you.

The Lord lift the light of his countenance upon you

and grant you his peace,

now and forevermore.

Amen.

Lent, Day 45: Day of Preparation.

2010-04-03T15:21:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 15:42-47

Forty-four days ago, on the first day of the Lenten season, we began this journey with John the Baptist and found ourselves, with him, "preparing the way" of the Lord. On that day I wrote about our call to preparation for the Lenten journey; a call not to concern ourselves with outcomes but to be about the business of making ready. I offered this prayer--and I offer it again today:

God, help us in this season to accept the call to preparation, even when we may never see a culmination of the effort. Give us clarity about what it is that we are preparing for. Grant us courage in the face of finality, when we're forced to let things go. Keep the Easter hope alive in us; remind us always of your power over death.

Today we stand by a sealed tomb, with broken hearts, but with a sense of nervous anticipation--practically holding our breaths, confident that something is yet to happen. We've watched the end of the story, seen the body removed from the cross and the stone rolled into place, but we hold out hope that it was not an end at all. We trust it is, instead, a "To be continued..." And so here we are, once again, on a new Day of Preparation. Not a foreword or an introduction, but still readying ourselves for a journey unlike any we have known.

This is a journey back into life.

Are we prepared for what new life means?

We can't pretend death doesn't happen--because it must, so that there can be a life that is abundant even beyond the grave.

We can't pretend the old days don't matter--because a new existence is built on the promises and precepts of the past.

We can't pretend we're not afraid--because only when we commit ourselves in faith can we finally lay our fears at his feet.

And we simply cannot pretend that letting go is easy--because only through the pain, through the loneliness, through the tears, through the silence of the tomb, can God break through again and again to show us what it really means to live.

Let us pray:

God, help us on this day of preparation once again to make ready the way of the Lord: a new way, a new life. Prepare our hearts for resurrection--to be raised with your beloved Son to walk with him, offering a wounded world hope that death no longer has the last word. As we wait for the dawn to break on a new sabbath, prepare us for wonder. Prepare us for celebration. Prepare us to see you again.

Lent, Day 45: A breath prayer for Holy Saturday.

2010-04-03T00:43:00.002-05:00

Breathing in: The stone is in place...

Breathing out: ...empty, we wait.

Lent, Day 44: What is good.

2010-04-02T18:42:00.007-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 15:1-41

it's good to know who you are

especially when you carry

the rights and responsibilities

of a King

it's good to know the truth

about motives

and motivations:

not all accusers are victims

not all mobs are righteous

it's good to know that help is near

when the cross is simply

too much to bear

it's good to know what your faith is in

("just to be clear:

no miraculous feeding, healing, life-restoring

could convince us--but

let him save himself,

haha

yes, then we would believe")

it's good to know you're not alone

even when

you are alone

it's good to know it's not too late

to profess belief

to cry out in confession

to acknowledge a terrible wrong

to recognize

the Son of God

Lent, Day 44: A breath prayer for Good Friday.

2010-04-02T10:54:00.003-05:00

Breathing in: By his wounds we are healed...

Breathing out: ... it is finished.

Lent, Day 43: Body.

2010-04-01T20:45:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 14

"Take it; this is my body." (v. 22)

the smell

of perfume permeates the house

(causing some to mutter

"how dare she!" and maybe even

"how dare he!")--

the scent of sorrow

lingers after the oil

has dried

the taste

of bread--unleavened,

to remind them of God's faithfulness

(even now);

the taste of wine--

the cup of life,

poured out and poured out

and poured out, and

abundant

even now

the sight

of an onlooker

running naked

away

(the sight of shame?

of humility?

of vulnerability?

the sight of

escape?)

the touch

of a kiss.

of a sword.

of a warming fire.

of spit.

of fists.

the sound

of a rooster's waking crow.

the sound

of weeping

in the breaking dawn.

this is my body. take it.

Lent, Day 43: A breath prayer for Maundy Thursday.

2010-03-31T23:30:00.001-05:00

Breathing in: You give us your body...

Breathing out: ...we pour out all our hopes on you.

Lent, Day 42: Come near. (A prayer.)

2010-03-31T16:29:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 12:28-13:37

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. (v. 31)

Your kingdom is near, O God,

so near we can

feel its breath

(just as generations

before have felt it).

Scattered to the winds,

we await your call,

anxious to be gathered close

and escorted deeper into

the eternity

you have already begun.

We, whose every love and

every richness

comes from you,

are watching:

we are here.

We anticipate your coming

not with fear, but in faith,

knowing that you who conquer death

are not interested in

pointless destruction

but in

loving redemption.

With gratitude we remember

(every day of this difficult walk

we know Friday must come

must always come, so

we keep reminding ourselves)

what you have done

and what you always do:

You love.

You live.

You call.

You breathe.

You speak.

You never end.

Lent, Day 42: A breath prayer for Holy Wednesday.

2010-03-31T09:06:00.002-05:00

Breathing in: Gather us in to your self...

Breathing out: ...from the ends of the world, we watch.

Lent, Day 41: Authority.

2010-03-30T15:47:00.007-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 11:27-12:27

For these couple of days, daily readings in large chunks will help us be on track for the stories of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday. The teachings of Jesus in Jerusalem seem to be a sort of last-ditch effort on his part, to enlighten the religious elite, to reassure the faithful, and to prophecy of the coming promised Kingdom. By the time Jesus is arrested, those listening--whether willingly or menacingly--have been instructed, encouraged, and warned.

Today's reading incorporates a straightforward question of Jesus' authority, a relatively obvious parable about the murderous behavior of the tenants left in charge (obvious enough that the real-life subjects were furious about it!), the issue of taxes and earthly authority, and even the question of marriage in the afterlife. Grouping them into a single reflection feels a bit like a preschool puzzle: what do these things have in common?

They have God in common. God, the ultimate Teacher, who does not condescend to the human demand for proofs and resumes. The Vineyard Owner, whose servants have been mistreated and whose Heir will be killed. The Source of Power, who has no need of Caesar's riches or Caesar's earth-bound might. The Author of relationships, the God of eternal Love, and always the I AM of the living... in fact, the Maker of life.

They have in common the one true Authority: Teacher, Owner, Source, Author, Maker, I AM.

As Jesus walks his last days in the holy city, let us be faithful students, learning well the lessons of honor he teaches. Let us be responsible citizens of the coming Kingdom, encouraged that we need not confuse worldly powers with the eternal. And let us be watchful seekers, heeding his warnings that preparedness is vital. God's day is coming: when all teachings will be made clear, when the rejected Cornerstone will be exalted, when Love itself will live.

Lent, Day 41: A breath prayer for Holy Tuesday.

2010-03-30T10:00:00.002-05:00

Breathing in: Your kingdom comes near...

Breathing out: ...I give all my love.

Lent, Day 40: Teaching.

2010-03-29T17:11:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 11:12-26

And he taught them... and the whole crowd was amazed at his teaching. (vv. 17a, 18b)

little did we know

when he came

hungry to the fruitless fig tree

he'd be teaching us

a lesson about

the power of his words

little did we know

when he came

furious to the once-holy temple

upending the thieves' tables

he'd be teaching us

a lesson about

the house of prayer

little did we know

when he came

boldly to the mountainous city

with a heartful of faith

(leading us

with a word, a prayer, a touch,

pointing us in the direction of

a hill we'd all have to face)

he'd be teaching us

a lesson about

love

Lent, Day 40: A breath prayer for Holy Monday.

2010-03-29T09:48:00.005-05:00

Fill me with a faith to move mountains...

... flow from me in forgiving love.

I've been trying to think about a way to incorporate a personal worship element into this Holy Week's devotionals... for those of you whose churches may not have a Holy Week tradition, as well as for myself. With our kids at these ages, it is difficult for us to attend weekday or nighttime services, so for now we are "on our own" to mark the days of this set-apart week.

Once I realized it was perhaps (!!!) unrealistic to think of designing full-on home-and-family worship services on the spur of the moment, I decided instead to offer a breath prayer for each day until Easter. I'll send out the breath prayer every morning, so hopefully you (and I) will be able to have it in mind throughout the day. The regular reflection will come, as usual, later in the afternoon or evening. These breath prayers, like the reflection, will be inspired by the day's scripture reading.

If you're unfamiliar with the practice of breath prayers, they are brief--two line--prayers or meditations... brief words to help turn our thoughts toward God. You can use them anytime, anywhere; you can breathe the prayer once, or slowly and repetitively. As you take a breath in, simply say the first line of the prayer in your mind and heart; as you breathe out, say the second line. Typically breath prayers are formatted so that the "in" line is a prayer for filling, entering, nourishing, and the "out" line is a prayer of giving, letting go, release. You can jot the words down and carry them along with you in a physical way, as well as in a spiritual way, throughout this day.

I hope these brief prayers will help you to slow down and truly participate in this Holy Week.

Blessings to you.

Lent, Day 39: Hosannahs and homesickness.

2010-03-28T20:41:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 11:1-11

This morning, during the Palm Sunday service at church, I felt overcome by homesickness.

When I mentioned it during our traditional Sunday Morning Car Ride Debrief on the way home, I realized that I have a rather strange reality that comes from these many years of moving around and having had so many homes... that is, different occasions induce in me feelings of homesickness for different places.

As I think about the strangeness of that, I wonder if maybe it's an appropriate feeling for this day, when perhaps Jesus himself was experiencing a bit of the same thing. On this entrance into Jerusalem, on a visit that he knew would be his last, and during the tradition-enriched Passover festival, I wonder if he was thinking about all his many homes: his birthplace in Bethlehem, his safe haven in Egypt, his childhood in Galilee, the hospitable homes where he was made welcome in his traveling life. Even the temple, his Father's house. All these homes, where he'd celebrated the Passover, where he'd blessed dinners and held babies and healed and taught and laughed and cried; all these, he knew he'd never see again on earth.

Maybe he was even a bit homesick for his Heavenly home... the one he surely knew was awaiting his return.

Blessed is the One who comes--who rides on a humble colt into the turmoil of humanity.

Blessed is the One who comes--who enters our cities, our neighborhoods, our homes.

Blessed is the One who comes--who steps over the threshold and into the living spaces of our lives.

Hosannah! Come, and save us!

Lent, Day 38: Being heard. (A prayer.)

2010-03-27T15:11:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:46-52

Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

when the crowds try to silence me,
and when I let them,
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

when I fear that you have passed me by
because I am not good enough for you
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

when, in my blindness, I fail to see where you are walking,
and when I fail to follow
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

when I only use my voice to criticize,
to complain, to argue, to judge, to spout off,
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

when I am afraid to ask you
for what I want
and
when I've convinced myself that my luxuries
are really needs
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

Jesus, Son of David, I want to see.
I want to follow you along the way.
I want to use the gift of speech to pray:
Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.

Lent, Day 37: Being great.

2010-03-26T16:19:00.002-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:35-45

Even those closest to Him failed to understand; it's no wonder we have trouble getting it.

It's not just our businesses, our homes, our churches, our schools and communities, our country... on every level, from the family to the nation, the desire for power is human nature. Living together in societies seems to demand structure, leaders and followers, planners and do-ers, and all of us find ourselves somewhere in the ladder of authority. There are people in power over us, and others over whom we have authority. Success, inevitably, becomes defined by our ability to move upward on that ladder. We admire those who show ambition, the desire and the drive to keep moving up and up.

All of which makes me think, if we had to choose one single teaching of Jesus that must be The Most Difficult Challenge For Our Human Culture, it must be this one. It is contrary to everything we have been taught about this earthly life (and The American Dream)... where climbing the ladder and becoming the greatest is equated with financial success, personal value, and even national pride (how often do we repeat the conventional wisdom that we live in "the greatest country in the world"?).

My emotional response to this text is, even as I type this, bouncing back and forth between "relief" and "embarrassment." Relief that Jesus is resetting the balance of our efforts, reorienting us to God's standards of success, allowing us to get off the ladder. Relief that the true value of humans is, simply, as humans... not as acheivers, or earners, or winners, or owners. Relief that I can stop trying to stretch ever higher, and instead kneel down.

But... also, embarrassment. A lot of embarrassment. It's embarrassing that our nation can be divided so violently over who is in or out of power; we can't even find ways to work together, much less serve one another. It's even more embarrassing, though, that our churches and denominations have fallen prey to the same drama. And it's embarrassing that every day I forget it, myself, in my own home and with the people I love the best.

I bet James and John were embarrassed, too, when they realized their mistake. They'd forgotten already how it was, there with the people they loved, and who loved them, the best.

May we daily be reminded that it is not too late for our lives, our homes, our churches, our community to be modeled after the one who came "not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." May we choose to step off the ladder, to let go of our striving notions of success, and to stop reassuring ourselves that being the greatest is important (when, in truth, being the greatest is at best irrelevant, and at worst delusional). May we begin to esteem ourselves and others not by the quantity of our power, but by the quality and the action of our love.

Lent, Day 36: Being a child.

2010-03-25T20:58:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:13-16

(Apologies for the out-of-order scripture! I was wondering why there are more days left in this week than there are passages left in chapter 10; turns out I was in such a hurry to get to the Rich Young Man that I totally neglected the Little Children. Seems ironic. Anyway, I'll be back on track tomorrow!)

This is what it is to be a child of God:

It is to be carried in the arms of your parents to the lap of Jesus.

It is to be covered with the grime of daily life; to have frogs in your pockets, to be blowing a bubble, to be grass-stained and lollipop-sticky.

It is to have his hand placed on your head, to let him rumple your hair or wipe dirt off your cheek. It is to receive his touch.

It is to hear his blessing spoken over you. It is to hear your name on his lips.

And it is to be rebuked by those who expect you to be "seen and not heard."

But it is to be welcomed, in spite of the naysayers. It is to be unhindered: to jump to the front of the line, to have the crowds stand aside for you. It is to see his arms spread wide open, beckoning you, making space for you.

It is to bring your simple self, with no pretense--fumbling, learning, trying again and again to get it right, playing, falling down and getting back up, coloring outside the lines, growing up without even realizing it.

And it is to be given the keys to the Kingdom.

God,
thank you
for always making room,
and
for accepting the children
that we are.

Lent, Day 35: Being aware.

2010-03-24T22:58:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:32-34

They were on the road to Jerusalem--as, in a way, are we.

Over these 2000+ years of church history, this springtime journey toward Easter has become "Lent," a familiar observance to many Christian traditions, while more or less unknown to others (including the one in which I was raised). Many churches plan special Lenten services throughout the season, and gather several times during Holy Week--the week between Palm Sunday and Easter--as a way to walk mindfully toward the cross and toward the empty tomb, following the steps and stops of Jesus and his disciples. Next week, I hope to incorporate into my Holy Week blogging some specific suggestions for a personal observance of the Easter journey.

There's a temptation, no doubt, to skip over to the "good parts version" of Easter: Jesus's reconciling action on the cross, and the miracle of resurrection... the crux (literally) of the story. We may be inclined to "sing the wondrous story," and we surely will--but we must first walk the way. We must first be actively aware of the whole story, and take our part in it.

Jesus is leading the way to Jerusalem, followed by his awestruck apostles, and a parade of fearful followers. I can understand the apostles' astonishment, but why were the following crowds afraid? They're on a pilgrimmage they don't, can't, understand; they know he feeds, and heals, and teaches, and restores life... but they also know he has offended the authorities and broken numerous long-standing laws. They may not have been given the cheat sheet for what was to happen, but they know that something's got to give. And he knows it too.

He has told his closest disciples this story before, but now that they have truly set their course for Jerusalem, he gathers them close once again and tells them, in clear and concise terms, where this path is taking them. They can't skip to the good parts. It is going to be painful, and they have to be there for it. It is going to bring out their best and their worst--their very most human selves. And that's necessary, because it's those most human selves--and ours--that are redeemed by Jesus' victory over death.

It's important that we, too, follow Jesus on the way to Jerusalem. We can't skip to the good parts--because the whole story is gospel, the "good news." The teachings, the healings, the restorations, the dissent and the holy law-breaking, the feeding hungry bellies... all good news. The hosannahs of Palm Sunday. The anointing, the washing of feet, the supper. The soldiers. The temple veil. The centurion. The stone. The sunrise.

All great good news.

So as we join the crowd following the Messiah on this last journey, let us express our astonishment, and let us lay our fears at his feet. Let us hear again the wondrous story--the whole story--that is his calling and our salvation. Let us be aware of each faithful step we take with Christ, so we can truly celebrate the Easter miracle: that with him, we too are raised, to walk together in newness of life.

Lent, Day 34: Being free.

2010-03-23T21:44:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:17-31

My first instinct was to title this reflection "being empty," because my first impression was that that's what Jesus was requesting of the rich young man: that he empty his pockets, and thereby empty out himself, in order to follow the Lord.

But it seems we often latch on to the negative idea of things, rather than looking a bit harder to find the positive... not just what "feels bad" versus what "feels good," but what is removed rather than what is restored. We seem more comfortable, sometimes, with coping with what is taken away than with graciously accepting what is added. Perhaps it's because what is added is often not quantifiable, or perhaps it's simply because we've been taught that sacrifice is sacred.

So I asked myself, what is the point of this encounter, between Jesus and a young man whose cash value trumped his desire for discipleship? Is the point emptiness--the removal? Is it charity--the giving? Or is it freedom--the gift of freedom from all the things that would hold us back from following whole-heartedly? Once again, Jesus turns expectations upside-down: a young man, from the right background, with the right beliefs, who has checked all the necessary boxes, who seems a shoe-in for religious inclusion, is shown to be enslaved to the one thing he holds most dear: $$$.

(Okay, I know, they didn't use $dollars$ back then!!! What should I have said: "the almighty sheckel"? LOL)

This is a tremendously difficult text for most of us to hear, in a contemporary society where we are generally in no danger of losing all we have--much less, of being asked to give it away willingly. We have the luxury of reading this passage with a long lens; we can speculate on it theologically, we can hypothesize and opinionate about issues of wealth, care for the poor, family relationships, independence, walking away, and walking alongside Jesus. Then we can go to our warm, safe homes, and eat cozy dinners, and hug our spouses, our children, our parents, our friends. And this is what our culture teaches us is "freedom": freedom is holding tight to what we have earned and what we deserve; freedom is having choices, including the choice to give; freedom is belonging. Likely that rich young man thought he was free: he had his full billfold, his choices, his class.

In this freedom-loving society, are we willing to consider that maybe our definition of freedom has been overly influenced by the almighty sheckel? The freedom Jesus offers to the rich young man has no connection to the coins in his pocket; instead, Jesus offers the freedom of emptiness, of releasing the possessive grasp, of letting go. The freedom of traveling light.

God, forgive me for all the times I try to mold your gospel like clay, to fit tidily inside my own values and priorities. Help me to be truly free to follow you: help me to release my grasping fists, to let go of the things that promise only fleeting security. Help me to find my belonging on the path to your kingdom.

Lent, Day 33: Being joined.

2010-03-22T21:57:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 10:1-12

In this week leading up to Palm Sunday, the focus is on the tenth chapter of Mark (conveniently divided into six tidy sections); it's a chapter that incorporates teachings, callings, encounters, prophecy, healings, gentle rebukes. To be honest I've been puzzling all day over how to write about today's passage, a text about (as some obviously pessimistic editors have titled it) Divorce. (I'd prefer to think of it as a text about marriage--after all, it includes Jesus' lovely sentiment about "the two become one flesh.") Without hours of study, research, commentary-reading, and especially prayer, I'm not sure how to get into such a complicated topic that touches so many lives today (as, apparently, it also did then). I have friends whose lives have been torn apart by divorce; others who chose it amicably; and we also know of couples whose divorces seem an unfortunate but obvious outcome of hasty, ill-conceived, immature marriages.

So as I've been thinking about today's reflection, I realized that perhaps it is worthwhile to take a step back and look at the "big picture" of Mark 10... maybe there is a theme throughout the chapter that can give me a starting place for considering this specific text. On the way to Jerusalem, looking toward the triumphal entry next Sunday, do the teachings of chapter 10 build a foundation for what is to come?

I think so. In each of the stories of chapter 10, Jesus is taking societal expectations and turning them upside-down... trying to show, over and over again, how God's expectations are different. How God's expectations are real.

In this case, God's expectations are real for relationships between men and women, who were created "in the beginning" by a God of pure love, and who were created to share love in such a way that they are no longer two separate beings, but one. Of course it is absurd to think of taking apart what was shaped by the Creator to be one single unit.

Still, Moses knew when he gave the law, and I think Jesus knew when he gave this "refresher course," that human beings are notorious for holding ourselves to much lower ideals than God does. It was no secret even then that humans are prone to chronic hard-heartedness (not to mention hard-headedness), and that "exceptions to the rule" had been allowed by God--not necessarily because God likes it, but perhaps because God is graceful, and patient with our failings and our foibles, our lack of maturity, our missteps, our variability.

We know that divorce is, statistically, a huge issue in our culture, and people point fingers in many, many directions to try to place the blame for the dramatic numbers. We may look to Jesus, teaching in this text, for a simple, straightforward, black-and-white response. But I think perhaps Jesus's teaching here is more rich than a simple "yes or no"; I think the bigger lesson has more to do with being joined than being separated. It's a lesson not just about what God doesn't desire for us, but about what he does. He wants us to be joined together.

Being joined is about origins--how we were meant to be from the beginning. Being joined is about awareness--how we open our relationships to God's shaping. Being joined is about independence--how we move away from our childhood dependencies to turn our focus to one another. And being joined is about union--how we become one entity, and, as one, continue in our lifelong journey of becoming.

Art break! (For Scott)

2010-03-21T15:00:00.002-05:00

But now, this is what the Lord says--

he who created you, O Jacob,

he who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name;

you are mine.

When you pass through the waters

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers

they will not sweep over you."

Isaiah 43:1-2

Lent, Day 32: On the team.

2010-03-20T20:57:00.006-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 9:33-50

After a few weeks of being off-track on my daily reading schedule, today I am finally catching up--and what's more, I am incorporating tomorrow's designated scripture into today's reflection! (So, yes, tomorrow I am taking the day off!!!) Monday I'll pick up with Mark chapter 10, and barring any more computer glitches, we'll be good to go for the next two weeks 'til Easter Sunday!

I'd like to say, too, that today's topic was in no way influenced by the cultural phenomenon that is March Madness. Typically I try to refrain from sports analogies (I figure Christendom has plenty of those from the vast profusion of male preachers; my hunch is that sermon sports storytelling far outweighs stories about cooking, crafts, childbearing, etc.). When I looked at the scriptures for today, I noticed how Bible editors have split it into three distinct sections-- but obviously noone consulted me, because I think the three have a theme very much in common. When we read them as separate texts, we may miss it, but absorbed together, each of these "teachable moments" with Jesus seems to be a different facet of one stone: that is, what it means to be on the team.

To be on the team means no one is the greatest, and no one is first. (Or, looked at another way--everyone is the greatest, and everyone is first.) It means the leaders must be the servants. It means the least, the smallest are stand-ins for God's own self.

To be on the team means we're not the whole team. We're part of a body, but we're not the whole body. And the whole team doesn't look like us. It doesn't worship like us, it doesn't talk like us, it doesn't like the same music we do, it doesn't have the same problems we do. But to be on the team means we must learn to recognize our teammates, and we must be for one another.

To be on the team means calling on each other to be our best, strongest selves so that our team can be its best and strongest. We trust in God's redemption, and at the same time we hold high standards and know that for our own health we must remove ourselves from hurtful choices. We believe God holds us close, and know that we move must remove ourselves from those who would separate us from God.

And to be on the team means to maintain our shared character; among all our differences, to live up to the calling, the faith, the story that we share and that sets us apart from the world we play in. To be on the team, to share that life, means to be at peace together.

May the day come soon.

Lent, Day 31: Prayer.

2010-03-19T21:29:00.004-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 9:14-32

help my unbelief

when the sure things
are shaken

help my unbelief

when my loves
are threatened

help my unbelief

when I am robbed
of myself

help my unbelief

when healing
seems denied

help my unbelief

when the future
appears dead

help my unbelief

when my words
are not enough

help my unbelief

when I simply
don't understand

still
I believe

help my unbelief

Art Break! (For Sam)

2010-03-19T19:50:00.002-05:00

Lent, Day 30: Enveloped.

2010-03-18T21:04:00.006-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 9:1-13

How do you (and by "you" I mean "I") even begin to do justice to this passage--in a first-impressions-version/quick-reflection-on-the-scripture kind of Lenten daily writing? Of all the biggies, this one is right up there, and is packed from verse 1 to verse 13 with amazement and awe, symbol and substance: three closest apostles on a road trip with the rabbi; Jesus' dazzling transfiguration; the appearance of some Old (Testament) friends; Peter's ever-enthusiastic offer to build a few shelters; a replay of Jesus' baptismal dedication; concerns about what resurrection means; prophecy and fulfillment and more prophecy.

You (I) could write a reflection on the transfiguration every day of Lent and every day probably come up with some new idea, insight, inspiration about it. (And maybe that was part of the point of it in the first place; no doubt those three disciples talked about it among themselves for weeks after!)

But for my first-impressions/quick-reflection purposes, I find it helpful to do one of two things with a rich, deep text like this: either to take a "big picture" view and try to think about the scripture in broad strokes, or to get up close and try to see unusual and meaningful details that might be missed in the big picture. Tonight is a "detail" night... and it became one when I read verse 7: Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!"

The Voice echoes the blessing that was spoken at Jesus' baptism. Here, though, "the cloud enveloped them." God not only speaks acknowledgment of Christ, but, in a physical way, wraps around all those who were there: Moses and Elijah--representatives of the Hebrew priestly and prophetic traditions; Jesus--the Messiah, the fulfillment of God's story through Israel; and Peter, James, and John--the first generation of Christ-followers and of the future church. Gathered there on a mountaintop, "alone" (as verse 2 says) and yet not at all alone, all these faithful followers were physically surrounded by God's presence, joined with one another in the encompassing love of God.

A strange thing happens sometimes here in Southern California. Within a few short minutes and miles, a day can go from bright and sunny to absolutely shrouded in fog (smog?) and cloud. It is startling when it happens, a bit frightening and confusing, and makes me feel suddenly very alone. Visibility next to nothing, a chill in the air--it can feel, in a matter of minutes, as if the warmth of the day and the familiar comfort of people sharing the road are simply gone.

I wonder how the disciples experienced the cloud of God's presence wisping around their arms, hazing out their vision? They were already frightened; I can't help but think being suddenly immersed in a cloud heightened their fear (and then did the Voice calm them? Or did it simply give their goosebumps goosebumps?). Did they feel cut off from one another? Or did they perhaps sense even then that they were part of something bigger--a big picture that they shared with the heros of their childhoods, with their beloved rabbi, and with the great I Am?

Envelop us, O God,
across time
across distance.
Enfold us in the love
You Are.

Lent, Day 29: Being in.

2010-03-17T22:27:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 8:31-28

"Being in means you've got to do something, not just say you're in." (Dead Poets' Society)

God,
give me the courage to
Be In:
to listen to your painful honesty
without complaint,
to have foremost in my mind
those things that are of
you,
to follow you by
turning aside from my own
desires my own
wishes my own
knowledge my own
dreams (and by tuning them
to align with your desires
wishes
knowledge
dreams
for me).
Give me strength to
Be In
when all those things I count as life
are lost to me,
when I must let the whole world slip away
to instead let you
save my soul.
Give me faith to
Be In
and not to be ashamed,
so that you may not be ashamed
of me.

Lent, Day 28: Seeing clearly.

2010-03-16T22:18:00.007-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 8:22-30

Ever since my computer-induced four-day pause earlier this month, I have evaluated every day's scripture readings to see where I could combine readings in order to make up the lost time and be on track for Holy Week. Initially I didn't think it made sense to combine these two stories: the blind man healed, and the apostle Peter's confession of Jesus as Christ. But as I read and reread them, and thought about what was going on in them, the commonality between them seemed to come slowly into focus. Both of these stories share one thing in common: the issue of seeing, clearly.

The God who created all there is to see, and who created sight itself, was certainly capable of restoring vision to a man who has physically blind.

But things get more complicated, perhaps, when spiritual vision is the concern. On the way to Caesarea, Jesus asked his companions: "Who do people say that I am?" They report back to him the rumors flying around the towns: some people say John the Baptist, some say Elijah or one of the prophets. Then Jesus pushes them further: "What about you? Who do you say that I am?"

What did they do with this question hanging in the air, like a speech balloon above their heads? Was there silence, just crickets chirping in the background? Or did twelve hands shoot up into the air, and twelve mouths stumble over each other to get out the words? We don't know. The only voice we hear is Peter's: "You are the Christ."

The disciples have felt Jesus' hands on the eyes of their hearts, and in this moment of clarity, the disciples finally see.

What about me?

God of sight,
give me clear vision
to see who you are.

Lent, Day 27: Still no bread.

2010-03-15T21:51:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 8:1-21

It's funny, I don't know how to feel when Jesus says things to the disciples like this: "Do you still not understand?" (v. 21) Because, you know, I'm pretty sure their answer was "Nope"... and, frankly, sometimes, so is mine.

Once again, Jesus is teaching on a remote hillside. Once again, dinnertime comes around and nobody thought to bring the picnics. Once again, bread and fish are blessed and broken, and once again the apostles are put to work distributing the miraculous meal (and then gathering up the leftovers).

But this time, after the miracle was over and done and all the faithful picnickers had gone home, Jesus and the disciples got in a boat to go to another area. There, they were accosted by Pharisees who were bent on forcing Jesus' hand. And as usual, he refused to play their game... he got back in the boat and sailed away.

But this time, back on the boat, the disciples realized they didn't have enough bread on hand--just one loaf. Jesus saw their worry, and said (cryptically, in my humble opinion): "Be careful. Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod."

Oh. Kay.

The disciples, trying to decipher their teacher's message, went in to a huddle. The best they could come up with was that Jesus was rebuking them for not bringing enough bread. Jesus (no doubt rolling his eyes to heaven) asked them what was fast becoming a standard question: "Do you still not see or understand?" Why are you still talking about the silly bread---didn't you see what I can do with bread? Do your eyes and ears not work---and haven't you seen what I can do with broken bodies?

What a contrast with the stories of faithful friends bringing their broken loved ones to Jesus for his healing touch--those who can be made well by their faith. Here are his closest companions, his chosen ones, befuddled over bread.

Had they been too busy passing the plates and scraping together the leftovers to pay attention to Jesus' feeding of the multitudes?

Were they too distracted by defensiveness against the Pharisees' accusations to notice that they could be just as blind as the religious establishment?

I don't begin to understand everything about Jesus' parables and sayings (and, if I may say so, I tend to distrust people who claim that they do). If it was difficult for the twelve--those who walked the dirt roads alongside him, shared picnics and boatrides--how much more difficult is it for us, who are distanced by generations and by geography? If they constantly needed their eyes and ears to be opened, how much more do we?

Hear my prayer, O God:

On the busy days,
rushing,
tending,
feeding,
cleaning up,
keep my gaze focused
on the miracle of bread--
of life.
In the face of confrontation,
the challenging,
the demeaning,
the faith-shaking,
keep my ears and eyes
open to your signs of life--
and bread.

Lent, Day 26: Healing.

2010-03-14T23:12:00.005-05:00

Today's reading: Mark 7:24-37

The two healing stories in today's reading have many elements in common with stories throughout the gospels: Jesus tries to go away unnoticed, but can't escape those seeking him. He encounters someone who is a cultural outsider. He gets rid of unclean spirits, and he restores the physical senses. He performs a miracle from long-distance, and another from just about as close-up as it is possible to get. He asks those he has healed to keep quiet about their experience, and they go out and tell everybody they know.

There's an aspect of both of these stories that also occurs in other of Jesus' healings, and I find it challenging, encouraging, hopeful. In each case--the demon-possessed daughter, and the deaf and mute man--the person in need of healing is unable to ask for help, and the request is brought to Jesus by loved ones: an agonizing mother, some assertive friends.

On the faith of those who love, Jesus heals those who suffer.

What a gift--to know that my friends, my family can carry me to Christ when I can't make the way to him myself.

And what a challenge, what a calling--to be the friend who will pray, follow, beseech, walk, see, hear, speak on behalf those who can't. God help me to be such a friend.

Lent, Day 25: Prayer.

2010-03-13T23:19:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 7:1-23

God, grant me courage
to stand up against my culture
when its version of success,
of value,
of holiness,
of wholeness
is shaped by its own
self-importance.

God, grant me strength
to stand up for those
who are mocked,
mistreated,
ignored,
or silenced
for their refusal
or inability
to live up to society's
impossible standards.

God, grant me wisdom
to understand your teachings.
Help me to distinguish
truth from vanity,
honor from hypocrisy,
life from legalism,
clean from unclean.

Lent, Day 24: Walk.

2010-03-12T20:38:00.006-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 6:45-56

you walked
across the waves
let them wash over your feet
because your friends were alone
and facing rough seas

you walked
among the sick
hopeful on their mats
because everywhere you went
they came
and you let them touch you and

they walked

you walk
toward us
and
you walk
among us
bringing peace
bringing healing, so

we can walk
into a world
of fear and of pain
and of hope
because you have called us
to join you
there

Lent, Day 23: 5+2

2010-03-11T21:50:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 6:30-44

Of all the familiar stories, surely this is one of the familiar-est. :) Jesus and the disciples are out in a remote place, teaching, and thousands of people have followed them and are hungry to receive their message. Then dinner time rolls around and they are hungry, full stop. All that can be found are five loaves of bread and two fish, which Jesus blesses and breaks and passes around. And all the people ate plenty, and twelve basketfulls of leftovers were collected up at the end.

Maybe it's all the years of hearing this story and others like it--somehow, though my brain knows that miracles are, well, miraculous, the "feeding a big ol' bunch o' folks" part of this story doesn't amaze me like I suppose it should. What I really find remarkable is the disciples' attitude. At the very beginning of this passage, before the "real" miracle story even begins, the apostles gather around Jesus and report back to him all the healings and teachings they have been doing since he sent them out to their missions. They're tired, and they've been so busy that they haven't had a chance to eat. Jesus invites them: "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."

Who among us wouldn't jump at an invitation like that from the Messiah? A quiet place and some rest sounds incredibly good to me today.

So the apostles went with him--but unfortunately, they were followed. And before they even got "there" (wherever "there" was), the crowds had gotten there first. So: no quiet place. No rest.

But Jesus felt compassion for the crowds, and started teaching. And dinnertime came, and everyone was hungry (especially the apostles, no doubt!!). They came to Jesus in concern for the peoples' hunger, and instead of Jesus sending the crowds home to dinner, he instructed the disciples to feed them with the meager helpings of bread and fish they could find.

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd have had the grace the apostles showed. In fact, I know it from personal experience. Craving some peace, a relaxing meal, and some quality time with their teacher, they were willing to let their hopes be invaded by hordes of people aching for a message of love and forgiveness, and for a little dinner. I can't help but think that this alone constitutes "miracle"--and it's one, perhaps, that even I might be able to perform.

God
when I so desperately need time apart,
rejuvenation,
nourishment,
help me especially then
to be grace-full in my willingness
to share my time
my space
my energy.
Help me
especially then
to be generous
with what little I have to give.
I depend upon you
to take my humble offering
and expand it beyond belief,
to take care of those
who depend
upon me.

Lent, Day 22: It ain't over...

2010-03-10T22:37:00.007-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 6:14-29

In Mark's gospel recounting, this whole sad story of John the Baptist's beheading, with its macabre party scene and its manipulative maneuvering and its passive-aggressive family relationships, has already happened. If we were making a movie of the gospel, this scene would begin with a close-up on the perplexed face of King Herod, then fade into a flashback.

Having heard stories of Jesus' healings, miracles, and teachings, Herod can't help but think about another man of God he knew--and whose death he ordered. What's more, Herod can't help but think about a frightening, terrible possibility: could it be that John, once unquestionably dead, might in fact have been resurrected, and is now back at work?

Was it overwhelming guilt that made Herod wonder if John had been raised? Was it deep sorrow at the loss of a recognized messenger of God? Was it fear that retribution was waiting for the man who ordered the execution? Who knows what led Herod to think that John's resurrection was a serious possibility... to consider that being raised from the dead was something that could actually happen. Probably he was relieved beyond belief to learn that John was still dead, that Jesus was not the resurrected prophet. Maybe he even gave himself a little pep-talk, reassuring his anxious mind that being raised from the dead simply doesn't happen.

Right.

I imagine by the time the story really came to an end, Herod found the whole topic of resurrections pretty stressful.

But you know, I think he really was quite insightful--whether he knew it or not. Something in him knew that "it ain't over til it's over." He anticipated that John's beheading wasn't the end: not the end of the healings, the teachings, the disciple-making. He knew that death wasn't the end of the story; he just didn't know Who would be the One to defeat the grave.

Lent, Day 21: About worth, and justice.

2010-03-09T21:33:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 6:1-13

This has been one of those "puzzle pieces" days, when seemingly unconnected information surfs across my laptop screen... and when I sit down to think about the day's scripture reading, suddenly the random pieces start joining together and shaping themselves into an unexpected image.

First, this morning, Dr. Brene Brown updated her blog with information about the release of a new lecture dvd titled "The Hustle for Worthiness," which caught my attention right away because my "one little word" for 2010 is WORTH. Huge, huge topic for me personally, with lots of work to do: about writing, about weight, about personal care, about using my education, about following my calling, about parenting, about art. But also about treating others as worthy--those closest to me, as well as those I may never meet and whose lives are totally unlike mine.

Then, this afternoon, a pastor friend from seminary shared a link on Facebook to a story about a popular ultra-conservative political commentator who suggested that people should leave their churches if those churches claim to do "social justice," because (in his opinion) "social justice" equals Communism and/or Nazi-ism, and/or other bad, scary, horrible things that are out to get us and that we should all be going after with burning torches and battering rams. (Okay, that last part was my paraphrase. ;) )

It didn't occur to me that those two pieces of new information--a discussion of worth and value, and the act and the fear of "social justice"--were related to each other, until I read today's scripture. In it, Jesus himself (did you get that? Jesus himself?) was "a prophet without honor" in his own hometown--someone whose worth was undervalued by those who ought to have known and loved him best. And a few verses later, in sending out his apostles, Jesus warned them that their worth, too, would be undervalued in some of the places they would visit. And he told them how to respond: "If any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them." (v. 11)

I've always read that passage--about "shaking off the dust"--and automatically placed myself in the role of the apostles, sent out with a message and a mission, and ready to encounter cold shoulders, opposition, even persecution.

But I wonder now if that's a presumptuous way of thinking. What if the lesson of Jesus' warning also works the other way around? What if we aren't just the apostles, but also those who are in danger of denying the messengers and missing out on their message because we can't see their worth? Certainly we are not the world's only called ones, the only sent ones, the only valued ones. What if, without knowing it, we've dishonored the Prophet himself in our midst--we who should know and love him best? And what if we are the ones left in the dust for our unwillingness to serve the needs and hear the stories of other children and called ones of God?

I should probably say, in all honesty, I am not a big fan of politics. I don't like choosing sides, I don't like hate-mongering and mocking and mud-slinging, in either direction. My friends and family range all over the conservative-to-liberal spectrum... and thanks be to God for that! What they have in common is a love of God and sincere desire to see people come to God, and to live lives that are honoring and honorable. I'm not naive enough to think that there is one single or easy solution to the social justice issues that face our nation and our world.

What I believe to be true, though, is that God values all people--and that God calls us to value all people. I'm resisting the urge here to jump all around in Mark's gospel, recounting stories of hungry people fed; the clean and unclean; an outcast Greek woman; who is "the greatest"; little children welcomed; rich young men sent away. (All in good time! We're only halfway through Lent! :) ) But it seems to me that if feeding people and putting others ahead of ourselves and welcoming strangers and lifting up women and children are something "scary" like "social justice," then we are doing exactly what Jesus would be doing, by seeing the worth that is in every single person.

This topic isn't over for me, personally. It's not an easy subject in our nation, and it's not an easy subject for me; it does push my buttons of fear and self-doubt. But I have been challenged today: if I believe that my own sense of self-worth is important and worth developing, then I must also believe that the worth of all people is equally important and worth participating in.

God,
help me to express the message of
how deeply you value all your children.
Thank you
that I am one of them.

Lent, Day 20: More fear, and more faith.

2010-03-08T21:50:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 5:21-43

"Don't be afraid, just believe." (v. 36)

Don't be afraid...
...that your request will go unheard.
...that God will work too slowly.
...that the situation is beyond repair.
...that you'll lose something most precious.
...that you'll be caught, and shamed.
...that it is too late.

Just believe...
...that you are within arm's reach of healing.
...that you can be free from your pain.
...that you will not be lost in the crowd.
...that God is greater than time, and greater than distance.
...that Christ reaches out to you, and calls you.
...that your story isn't over.

Lent, Day 19: Legion no more.

2010-03-07T22:16:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 5:1-20

Do you ever have those times when you feel your lips forming words, hear the sounds coming out of your mouth---and wonder, "did I just say that?"

This text, about Jesus' healing of the demon-possessed man, makes me think so much of those times in my life when I've wondered who it was talking out of my own mouth. Throughout this passage, the demon-possessed man speaks several times--but it seems to me it's never quite clear whose voice is talking. When is it the man? And when is it the demons?

When Jesus speaks to the man, he knows right away who he's dealing with, and immediately addresses the evil spirits. He asks their name (and they reply "Legion--for we are many."). But even the footnotes in the Bible I'm reading get it mixed up, confusing the name of the Legion for the name of the man himself (which in fact we never know). No doubt when the legion of demons were cast out, the man was relieved to reclaim his own name, his own life, his own voice.

Of course (when isn't this the case?) there's far more to think and to say about this text than there's room for or time for right now. But it's this that seems the truest to me, tonight: that God is about the business of calling us and equipping us and healing us and making us whole so that we can be our truest selves. Because only as our own true selves----our own names, our own lives, our own voices----can we go to the cities, proclaiming how much Jesus has done for us.

Thanks be to God.

Lent, Day 18: Why are you afraid?

2010-03-06T20:36:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 4:35-41

it is nightfall
the crowd is left behind
and we're together
with him

he's trusting our know-how
(we're professionals, after all,
and we know these seas and
this sturdy craft)
he's so trusting, in fact,
he's let the rolling waves
lull him to sleep

(surely it is us
he trusts?)

but the wind blows (as it will)
and the waters crash
and the waves smother us
and
we are
afraid

(so we wake him with our entreaties;
then we rebuke him for his nonchalance)

but at a word from his lips
the sky clears
the sea calms
and at a word from his lips
we, too, are humbled
(our storm, too, is hushed)

in the dark,
in the gale,
in the crashing waves, yes,
we were afraid
and did not try to disguise our terror--
but did we have such little faith?
for after all,
we turned to him
turned to the author and perfecter of faith
laid our fears at his feet
like fresh-caught fish
and asked for his blessing

(and our eyes were opened:
and we knew what he had done
and we knew who he was
and we knew we too would obey him,
and once again, perhaps more rightly this time,
we were
afraid)

Lent, Day 17: A prayer.

2010-03-05T20:23:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 4:21-34

God
grant me the grace
to lift up your light
and extend the warmth
of your love
even in those places
where the glow may expose
this world's dangers
these nagging worries
my shame

God
grant me the hope
to faithfully scatter seed,
and grant me the trust
to leave growth
in your hands

God
grant us all the shelter
of your kingdom
where we will be safe
where we will be well
where we will be one
where we will be yours
world without end

Amen.
Amen.

Lent, Day 16: On parables and poetry.

2010-03-04T21:40:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 4:1-20

I used to think parables
were simple symbolism
(if symbols are ever simple):
one thing stands for another
to make it all concrete to us
when we struggle to understand
the abstractions of God

now I think perhaps parables
are really poetry

stacked with images
twined into metaphor and
shaped into story,
language broadcast like seed
to fall where it will
in our lives

concrete enough to grasp us
by the eyes and ears
to focus our attention
raise our questions, and

abstract enough to make room for us
all
(and room for every part of us:
for every sun-scorched, rocky, weed-choked,
and even every occasionally
healthy part)

look, for the Poet comes
(with eyes to see,
we may yet perceive;)
listen, for the Poet speaks
(and with ears to hear,
we may yet understand)

Art break!

2010-03-04T10:03:00.002-06:00

The wild animals honor me,

the jackals and the owls,

because I provide water in the desert

and streams in the wasteland,

to give drink to my people, my chosen,

the people I formed for myself

that they may proclaim my praise.

Isaiah 43:20-21

Lent, Day 15: Family matters.

2010-03-03T15:39:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 3:20-35

There is so much going on in today's reading--if I were preaching it, I'd have my homiletical hands full! But for today I am going to claim a bit of "creative license" and think a little bit about just the tiny little part that intrigues me at the moment: the family.

This selection begins and ends with Jesus' family matters. In verses 20-21, Jesus was trying to have dinner at someone's home, and was mobbed (once again) by a crowd, preventing him from participating in his normal life (in this case, the food!). His family (we're not told specifically which relatives) were headed in to get him out of the crowd... and the reason they used was "he's out of his mind." Were they seriously concerned for his mental health? Very possibly; certainly they'd never seen a sane person behave the way he did. Or were they perhaps trying to stay under the radar, removing Jesus from the situation without further enflaming the irritation of Jesus' theological opponents? That makes sense to me too.

Fast foward to the last little section of the reading: verses 31-35 are familiar ones. Jesus' mother and brothers arrived at the house and were looking for him, asking around if anyone had seen him; no doubt the gathered crowd made it difficult to find any one person at the party! But when their arrival and their search was reported to Jesus, he took it as an opportunity to make a point about family ties. He asked "Who are my mother and my brothers?" And looking around at the devotees surrounding him, soaking in his every word and gathering close to receive his touch, he said "Here are my mother and brothers and sisters: everyone who does God's will."

I'm fascinated by the contrast between these two family encounters; in fact, they're flip sides of the same coin, that is, did Jesus' family really know him? And how does Jesus really know his family?

I'm so thankful that God uses human relationships to help us find our place in God-relationships; what a gift that not only we as individuals, but we as families are made in God's image! We desire those closest to us to recognize our own true selves; no doubt Jesus wished for the same thing. And we find spiritual kin in those who most closely share our faith journey, sometimes biologically related, and sometimes not.

Thanks be to God for the gift of family, in it's many forms; may we find in our family relationships true depth of knowing, honest self-hood, and a community of merciful travelers on our way.

Lent, Day 14: Surrounded.

2010-03-02T23:45:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 3:7-19

they pressed so close
with their enthusiasm
and their needs,
following,
reaching
aching to touch you
I wonder if the boat
even held them back?
how many splashed into the water
to get a last chance at grasping you
before you floated
out of reach?

were you thinking of them,
the clamoring crowds,
when you went off to the quiet mountain
and summoned just the twelve?
were you remembering
the suffocating throng
with their rampant pains
when you called your friends
to serve?

and were you thinking of them,
the twelve just joining your journey,
and of the suppers and sunrises ahead
for you all?
were you hoping to be
surrounded by them
all your days,
or were you comforted knowing
that you would be surrounding them
for all of theirs?

Lent, Day 13: On the Sabbath.

2010-03-01T20:33:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 2:23-3:6

I apologize for not including a link to the scripture today; our computer is acting up (again--sigh) and I'm afraid if I try to open multiple tabs to copy and paste the link, the whole thing will freeze up on me! But hey---after this past week, I'm just glad to be here! :)

I'm not sure why, but when I decided to read and write through the Gospel of Mark, I didn't really think that I would find so many of the readings so personally and theologically challenging (and we're only barely into chapter 3!). The theologically challenging ones can be fun, but the personally challenging ones... well... "fun" is hardly the word. Today's text is one I find personally challenging--though perhaps from a very different perspective as those who were being challenged in the gospel story.

Several years ago when we were stationed in Europe, I attended a women's conference at a monastery in Germany; for a little reading during the retreat I took along the book "Receiving the Day" by Dorothy C. Bass (I'll add a link to the book later on when the computer is more trustworthy!). At the time I felt very convicted about the issue of Keeping Sabbath; "Receiving the Day," as I remember it, takes our contemporary culture to task (gently) for so easily and often disregarding the holy nature of the Sabbath day. How mindlessly we participate in pursuits that are neither restful nor God-centered, pursuits that support our retail culture (thereby requiring others to work on the Sabbath), and even "worthwhile" pursuits within the church (committee meetings, anyone?) that gouge into family time on the Sabbath.

Don't get me wrong---keeping Sabbath is not something I am good at! My soapbox, such as it is, is definitely more theoretical than prideful; I believe in Sabbath-keeping, but I know that it is a huge struggle in our culture, and it is a huge struggle for me personally.

So it's hard for me to imagine the perspective of the participants in today's reading, whose Sabbath-keeping was so detailed and regulated that they were able to act as Sabbath Police. Yes, I think the Jews, too, struggled with keeping the Sabbath (and I believe the many very detailed laws about how to keep the Sabbath holy came out of a sincere desire to follow this important commandment). But in this case, apparently the Pharisees' soapbox built of pride justified their sense of duty to make sure everyone else was keeping the Sabbath as minutely as they were.

But maybe in a way they had the same trouble we do. We're distracted from the holiness of Sabbath by the bells and whistles of our busy lives, our complicated schedules, our battling priorities; the Pharisees were distracted from the holiness of Sabbath by the bells and whistles of the law itself. In both our case and theirs, the heart's gaze is drawn away from the things of God, toward self and society. They sacrificed true Sabbath for the sake of self-righteousness. Perhaps we sacrifice true Sabbath for the sake of convenience, or even for "freedom."

God, forgive me for my frequent disregard of your Holy Day. Like the Pharisees, blinded by their own agenda, I often fail to recognize where you are at work... and even more often I fail to join you there. Continue to challenge me to keep the Sabbath holy, and in it to honor the spirit of love that led you to create it.

Lent, Day 12: Two things.

2010-02-28T21:19:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 2:18-22

This text has had me puzzling all day. Your friendly neighborhood Bible editors (at least, in every version I've looked at) have put a heading over this whole section, something along the lines of "Jesus Questioned About Fasting"... yet the text itself seems split into two distinct lessons from Jesus' lips: one, about fasting, and the second, about the difficulty of melding the new with the old. Was Jesus actually making a connection between the two topics? Or is this a case where centuries of gospel storytelling and biblical tradition have joined these comments into a single conversation, and placed them under a single heading? (And if so--is there still something we can learn from the combination?)

I'm still puzzling.

And maybe that's the point. Maybe somewhere among all our clarity, the social rules (of course you don't fast at a wedding!), the rules of nature (of course you can't carelessly stick new cloth onto old!), the Son of God comes and throws into a tailspin all that we thought we understood. Not for the purpose of confounding us, but to force us to think differently, to make us find links we never saw before, in places where we were sure no bond could be.

Like the link between feast and fast: the Lenten fast is suspended on Sundays in celebration of the resurrection--for every Sunday is Resurrection Day--when we recognize the Bridegroom's risen presence with us, and must certainly join him in feasting!

And like the link between the new ways and the old law: the Messiah comes not to destroy the old tradition but to play his role in it, to transform it for new purposes, new callings.

And perhaps even like the link between our minds and our hearts: we seek to apply reason and to make good choices, though we may shed tears for losses that we understand and that we may even choose.

And like the link between the life we imagined and the life we are in: the person I once was, with all my hopes and dreams and expectations, must be reconciled to the person I've become, reclaiming some dreams and letting others go.

It's all about the two things. Two things that, perhaps, ought not belong together, but that God can fuse into one single act of devotion. One single law of love. One single assurance of insight. One single life of growth.

Lent, Day 11: For there were many.

2010-02-27T21:35:00.005-06:00

If you're still around and reading along, I apologize for being MIA these past several days. Our computer is having problems again--I've been unable to email or blog since Tuesday and am finally getting caught up. This has thrown a kink into my whole Lenten discipline--apparently I am useless at being disciplined when things are thrown out of whack (which doesn't say much for me, considering part of the point of disciplines is to be something stable when things are crazy, as some things always are!). I have a lot of work to do to get back into my routines, computer-related and otherwise.

I've decided to pick up where I left off on the daily readings, instead of skipping ahead to 'catch up' with the correct day on my list. Over the coming weeks I may consolidate readings or temporarily jump over some, in order to be in the right place for Holy Week.

Thanks for hanging in with me.

Today's reading: Mark 2:13-17

for there were many
who followed him
(much to our surprise,
those of us regular
attenders, hard at work
keeping our pews warm,
mumbling along all the right words
and following all the
stage directions,
while they were busy with their taxes
and their multitude of sins)

for there were many
who followed him
(where we declined to go:
to dinner with the bad guys,
to doctor up the unclean)

for there were many
who followed him
(because, perhaps,
no one else would guide
their way)

for there were many
who followed him
(because, after all, they were the ones
he came
to call)

for there were many
(let it be us, God,
let it be us)
who followed him
(and we will,
we will)

Lent, Day 6: Which is easier?

2010-02-22T22:21:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 1:40-2:12

which is easier:
to cleanse a soul,
or to restore a body?
to forgive sins,
or to heal the lame?

I know for you,
God,
all these things are possible

so why is it so hard for me to
ask?

Lent, Day 5: Personal space.

2010-02-21T09:35:00.006-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 1:35-39

How I can identify with Jesus here... if he ever wondered what motherhood was like, in this experience I think he got a good glimpse! Even as I write this, the one-year-old is in my lap, turning (not quite gently enough) the Bible pages, having dragged onto my writing table several musical instruments, Mr. Potato Head bodyparts, and a banana peel.

But if even Jesus needed personal space--truly needed it, required it for times of prayer and refreshment so he could go about his work--then surely it's okay for me.

God, help me to resist the urge to play the "mommy martyr" by insisting I can do it all without taking care of myself too. Give me the humility to realize that I need space, and time; give me inventiveness to create space for rejuvenation, and give me gentleness in asking for time to use it.

Lent, Day 4: Good Sabbath.

2010-02-20T21:40:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 1:21-34

it is the holy day
set apart for rest
day of worship
day of community
day of hearts lifted in prayer
day of minds lifted in study

it is the holy day
consecrated by God at creation
day of praise
day of devotion
day of testimony
day of confession

til the praise was punctuated
by the voice of the enemy
(what was he even doing there?
and why did he speak out?)
the devotions of the day
disturbed by his contempt
the testimony of the faithful
overshadowed by his mockery
the confession of his lips
ringing with challenge, not with faith

but it is the holy day
day of cleansing:
and the voice of the Holy One
lifted to cast out the adversary,
to purify the captive spirit,
to disinfect the Father's house

and it is the holy day
day of healing:
so bring your weak, your broken,
your sick and sore,
and see them made well, and whole,
and free from the fiend's command

for it is the holy day
the good Sabbath
for you

Lent, Day 3: Casting Nets

2010-02-19T15:29:00.005-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 1:14-20

what am I fishing for?

compliments:
yes, please,
stroke my ego
fill my empty spaces
with affirmation

gold stars:
show the world,
whatever they may think of me,
that I am good
enough

diplomas:
lengthen the line
of letters after my name
(as if my name alone
does not say who I am)

dollars:
and please
don't let
the net
break

people?

for my own purposes, perhaps.
for friendship (God does know I need them,
every where we go).
for support when I stumble.
for shelter in the storm.
for sharing staggering loads
and wild laughter.
for comfort in the dark.

but fishing for people,
for God?

because there's good news that has me bursting
at the seams to share?

because there's an eternity of love waiting
to gather us in?

because time and tide roll on, roll on,
and the kingdom is in our sights?

God,
you've called me away from my own nets.
give me the strength
to cast my life with
yours.

Lent, Day 2: A Fine Line

2010-02-18T17:08:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Mark 1:9-13

apparently
there's a fine line
between calling
and corruption

how quickly one follows the other
how quickly we
(who don't know what we're up against)
slide from one
to the other

He knew

He saw the Spirit as a dove
He heard the voice of the Heavens
speak of Sonship, and of delight

and He was sent out to wander
(not randomly and willfully
as I so often do)
and He
knew who He would face there

tempted to feast, to impress, to rule,
His sense of Self was worth more
than the enemy's best offers

He instead walked with the beasts
(did they still kneel in his presence?)
and was cared for by the angels
(were they whispering still:
"fear not" and
"gloria"?)

Lent, Day 1: Preparing the Way

2010-02-17T17:26:00.006-06:00

Thank you for joining me on this journey through Lent! Beginning today and continuing through Easter Sunday on April 4, I will be writing and sharing brief reflections on readings from the Gospel of Mark. I've made a reading list (see the link in the right sidebar) with daily "portions," as I tried to divide the book to fit the days of Lent (also ensuring that the "correct" readings fall on Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter). I won't be going into great theological research, nor into full exegesis of every single element of every single text. Instead my intention---and for me, a realistic guideline of keeping up with a daily writing practice---is simply to respond thoughtfully and creatively to some part of the text. It could be an overarching theme, or it could be a single phrase or word that strikes a chord in me. It may be expressed as a poem, a prayer, a prose "devotional," or even just a series of bullet points or questions. Certainly, there will be MUCH that is left unsaid... but that is always true both of writing and of reflecting on scripture. Still, I hope these offerings will be helpful to you during this season, and will give you some encouragement, something to think about, and some sense of being a pilgrim along the journey toward Easter.

Today's reading: Mark 1:1-8

This may seem obvious, but for the first time I'm thinking about how the "preparation" of Lent is quite different from the "preparation" of Advent: bottom line, in Lent we are preparing for death. To be more accurate, I suppose, we are preparing for resurrection--"newness of life" quite literally. But it's very different from the newness of little babies born in mangers (or anywhere); before you can get to resurrection, you just have to do the death part. There's really no way around it--there's no rising from the grave without the grave.

I've always associated the coming of John the Baptist with Advent--the messenger crying in the wilderness was preparing the way for his younger cousin to come on the scene, to be born in the stable, and to come teaching and baptizing and forgiving and making his own disciples. To put John's calling in a Lenten context means we must also consider how the way is to be prepared for Jesus' solitude, for his agony, for his sacrifice, and for his return.

John did his preparatory work knowing full well what he was doing. He knew--and said--that One was coming after him who was more powerful than he. He knew--and said--that the work he was doing, baptizing people with water, was only a foretaste of Jesus' work of baptizing with the Holy Spirit. And John did all this knowing that the preparation itself was his calling.

I wonder how my "work" would change if I started thinking of it in terms of preparation? How important is it to know what I'm preparing for? Can I accept the possibility that I am simply called (even just for now) to the act of preparation?

Lent is a season of preparation--not for Baby Jesus' arrival, as in Advent--but for Christ's living and dying and living again. Perhaps Lent is also a season of preparation for all the work He does in us, as we live our everydays, encounter deaths, and anticipate living again alongside Him.

God, help me in this season to accept the call to preparation, even when I may never see a culmination of the effort. Give me clarity about what it is that I am preparing for. Grant me courage in the face of finality, when I'm forced to let things go. Keep the Easter hope alive in me; remind me always of your power over death.

Advent, Day 27: Be joyful!

2009-12-25T16:14:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: John 3:31-36
and of course: Luke 2

One of my favorite cds this season has been the Christian punk band Relient K's "Let it Snow Baby, Let it Reindeer" and the song "Merry Christmas; Here's to Many More." The very first line gets me, every time: "I made it through the year and I did not even collapse; gotta say, Thank God for that." And I think----no kidding.

And the chorus of the song also brings me to tears: "...it's finally Christmas and I'm home... and the closest friends I've ever known are all inside, singing together..." And I can't help but think how much I love being home with my boys. And how far away from home I feel, missing my "big" family. And how thrilled I am to get a phone message with familiar voices singing carols. And how much I hate not being there to sing along. And for every joy of this season, a heartbreak. And for every child's giggle, a momma's tear.

But isn't that just the way it goes? In life, not just as Christmastime.

And in life, not just at Christmastime, the Son of God comes. He brings light, and hope, and joy, and peace, and life. He brings us something to believe in, when everything around us falls flat. And he brings the Father's love to us, and walks the Father's way, and shows us the path to our home, our closest friends, our eternal family. So we can all sing together: Gloria in Excelsis! Joy to the World! Holy, Holy, Holy!

And Merry Christmas--here's to many more.

+++++++

Thanks for joining me on this Advent journey. It has been a challenge and a joy for me to work on this discipline throughout this season, and I appreciate all of you who have visited, read along, left comments, sent messages, shared my work with your friends.

As the new year begins I will be taking on another blogging/writing/scripture practice... but for now I'm resting and just beginning to think about what the next "job" will be. Please consider joining my blog as a follower if you'd like to come back when I begin again. Peace to you---and blessings for a Christmas season full of joy!

Advent, Day 26: Be a dreamer.

2009-12-24T12:34:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 1:18-25

tonight
sleep soundly
snug in your bed
and dream

dream a message from the Holy One (be not afraid)

dream a different life than you'd imagined

dream a way to change the world

dream a renewal of your dearest relationships

dream a chance to fulfill your calling

dream a future for your family

dream a gift of love given to all the world

dream a comfort for the afflicted

dream a joy for the mourning

dream a peace on earth

Advent, Day 25: Be outspoken.

2009-12-23T20:49:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Luke 1:67-79

come Holy Spirit,
fill my heart with the hope
of generations;
compel me to pronounce praise
to the God of promises,
God of the covenant,
God of faithful
fulfillment

come Holy Spirit,
fill my head with the light
of understanding;
pour out of my lips in praise
to the God of salvation,
God of mercy,
God of new life and life
everlasting

come Holy Spirit, (as you did to Zechariah)
fill my soul with the breath
of freedom;
flow from me in outspoken praise
to the God of deliverance,
God of holy light,
God who leads us on the way
of peace

Advent, Day 24: Be dedicated.

2009-12-22T20:27:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Luke 1:57-66

"What then will this child be?" (v. 66)

on this day
this birth day
make your way
into this bright and broken world,
scream, cry out, wail,
be fed;
learn who loves you;
find your family waiting

on this day
this dedication day
lay claim
to the heritage that is yours
(if not your father's name,
then his faithfulness;
if not your mother's people,
then her prayers)

on this day
this naming day
begin to become
who you are meant to be:
preparer, builder,
preacher, baptizer,
disciple, leader,
radical, kin

Advent, Day 23: Be blessed.

2009-12-21T15:06:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Luke 1:39-45

I have come to believe that we don't do enough blessing in our lives today. Yes, we do things that might be intended or interpreted as blessings--we offer kindnesses, say encouraging things, help when help is needed. But we don't often specifically bless someone, not in the sense of literally saying the word. And we "bless the food" at dinnertime by offering up a thank-you prayer to God, but, again, the "blessing" is not so much literal as just a type of prayer.

I grew up marking the days of Hanukkah at this season, just as my dad did with his father, who was Jewish. I didn't know it at the time but the prayer--no, the blessing--spoken over the menorah became part of my own mental prayerbook: Blessed art Thou, O Lord Our God, King of the Universe, who hast kept us in life and sustained us and enabled us to reach this season. I can hardly help but incorporate the "Blessed art Thou" formula into my writings and prayers.

Since then I've learned more about the Jewish tradition of blessing; the springtime Passover festival includes blessings for bread and wine and handwashing and bitter herbs and pretty much everything else that happens around the table. In fact, the whole Jewish year--the whole Jewish life--is marked by blessings. Literal, actual, use-the-word blessings.

This is what Elizabeth was doing with her young cousin Mary: living into this long tradition of offering blessing to others, and to God. This text is such a powerful example of the relationship between women, both of whom were experiencing God's activity in highly unusual ways. (How's that for an understatement?) But what I find really interesting about this story is that it is a powerful example of the importance of blessings. Elizabeth's blessing of Mary and her baby functions as a prayer, but also as a commission, as an affirmation, and as a commitment: a commitment to the relationship that exists, and the relationship that was growing in the wombs of the two women. Blessing doesn't happen all alone. It happens only in relationships: between people, and between us and God.

Surely Elizabeth and Mary, both newly pregnant, both carrying children who would become men of God in ways the mothers could not begin to understand, must have leaned heavily into their relationships with Yahweh. And prayed:

Bless the Lord,
o my soul;
and all that is within me
bless God's holy name!
(Psalm 103:1)

Advent, Day 22: Be not afraid.

2009-12-20T19:18:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: Luke 1:26-38

notes to self:
be not afraid...

... to welcome holy messengers

... to be honest about your fears

... to open your heart to an unknown path

... to go against the grain

... to ask the obvious questions

... to play your part

... to turn to your friends

... to let something new grow inside

... to believe the impossible

Advent, Day 21: The True.

2009-12-19T21:14:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: 1 John 5:20

God,

you came to give the gift of
understanding

help me to understand
what I need to understand
(and let go
the things I never will)

you came to give the gift of
knowledge

help me to know
who you are
and who I am in you

you came to give the gift of
truth

help me to set down the shackles
of the deceptions I choose
and to rejoice
in the freedom of
your faithfulness

you came to give the gift of
eternity

help me to
begin living it
now

amen.

Advent, Day 20: Living Water

2009-12-18T21:13:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: John 4:7, 9-11, 13-15

You
ask me
for a drink of water

what am I supposed to say?
it's not the right question
(you shouldn't ask me, anyway;
an exile,
a woman,
a sinner)
so I don't know the right answer

You
ask me
if I wouldn't rather have
Living Water

what am I supposed to say?
thanks but no thanks?
because I'm happy with the painful drought
of my life? because I
love the whispers and stares
of the gossips,
love the loneliness of this well?

so I give you a drink of water--
and you offer me liquid Life

I only wish my humble gift were
abundant enough to
quench your thirst
when you will need it most

Advent, Day 19: For all we know.

2009-12-17T15:55:00.004-06:00

Today's reading: Matthew 24:36-39, 44

... they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. Concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. (verses 30 & 36)

For all that we can learn, discover, and experience of God, this one big thing is simply not given for us to know. And thank goodness for that!! Remember the old Schoolhouse Rock slogan "knowledge is power"? There are times when I am profoundly grateful that God has kept some information private. It is frightening to imagine how our power-hungry culture would use (abuse) such knowledge.

It's amusing, in a way, actually... we go so overboard at this time of year to celebrate the day he arrived the first time around... can you imagine what we'd be doing if we had a countdown calendar to mark off the days til his return?

Presumably, rather than decorating trees and wrapping gifts, our preparations would take a different tack. Would we be getting our own acts together, reassuring ourselves that we've been (at least mostly) not naughty, but nice? Would we be making our "to do" lists of confessions and forgivenesses, and checking them twice?

Or would we be darting around our world, like teenagers who hear mom and dad's car in the driveway, when the house is trashed after a wild party? Trying to clean up the mess we've made, trying to show that we really are responsible enough to be left home alone? Desperate to prove that we have taken care of our siblings, kept the place clean, finished our homework...?

Thankfully, we have not been given that deadline to count down to. And thankfully, God is grace-full and forgiving, and, I'm sure, understood fully what he was doing when he left the kids in charge down here. No doubt there are times we exceed his expectations, and other times when we completely blow it... and until he does return, we'll keep doing it over and over.

But in this season, when the observance of Christ's birth is so concrete, so expected, and very nearly commonplace, we are reminded that the Advent we experience is not just a symbolic rememberance of his first coming, but also a commitment to eagerly await his return, and to do our best to be ready for it... whenever it is.

Advent, Day 18: Counting Christmases; and Abiding?

2009-12-16T15:45:00.003-06:00

Today's reading: 1 John 4:13-16

You know those days when the things racing through your mind seem to be mostly questions??

This is one of those days for me. What is my body doing? (Not acting like it always has... is something changing?) How will my kid do with changes at school? (People move on; it's just that usually, it's US, not his teachers and friends.) Where is the baby's favorite dog toy?? (Okay, I ask this one a lot; Dog-Dog is often lost...)

And today's reading at Following the Star raises a big one in my mind: What on earth is it like to abide?

It occurred to me a week or so ago that this is my third year doing Shimelle's Journal Your Christmas class... and, in those three years, we have celebrated Christmas in three different homes. (Question: Is it any wonder that, even though I love this season, I find it to be fraught with anxiety and loneliness?) Today, as I read this scripture and thought about what it means to abide, I did some math: since the year 2000, we have celebrated Christmas in 8 different homes. Not just visiting, but places we lived... except one year, when we were literally in the middle of moving and didn't have a place we lived. (Question: Where is "home for the holidays"?) What's more, since we got married in very late December 1995, we have celebrated Christmas living in 11 different homes. That's 11 out of 13 Christmasses, including this one. (Question: Where is "home," period?)

Perhaps I should be encouraged that God's version of abiding has more to do with eternal things than temporal things, since my experience of abiding is (apparently) minimal. But one of the things that I think is true about us, about humans, is that our human, temporal, earthly experience directly relates to how we understand who God is and what God is doing in us and in the world. I think this is why Jesus's parables and metaphors worked so beautifully---when he talked about losing a sheep or a coin, when he talked about a woman cleaning up the house, when he talked about being bread/light/shepherd, it worked because people could understand him because they understood those things. Those earthly, temporal, real-life experiences spoke to them (us) quite clearly about the holy, about the eternal, about the Real.

So I can't help but wonder, Who am I to try to say anything about abiding? What do I know about it? I relate so much more to the stories of the Hebrew people, wandering around, moving slowly in the general direction of an eventual promised home.

Answer (not, perhaps, the one and only answer... but, for now, at least, an answer): That it's not just about where I abide, but it is also about God abiding in me. Now this is something I can work with; the wandering Hebrews were even able to do this, carrying the tabernacle with them everywhere they went. Setting up God's place in the middle of every encampment, in the center of their community and personal lives all along the way. Which begs yet another question: What might it look like in my own life, and in my family's life, if we became more intentional about how we signify God's abiding with us?

And now that I think of it, there's another possible answer: That maybe I can better understand God's abiding, and mine, if I think of it not as an expansion of my experience, but as a reversal, an alternative. Sort of a "do" to my "don't" (or a "have" to my "have not"). Maybe, for some of us, abiding is a promise as well as a command. Maybe for all of us, in fact, because in one way or another we are all transient. Our bodies change, our families change, our friendships and marriages change, our permanent addresses change. Life is change, and we are all moving forward (or sometimes backwards, or sideways), in the general direction of a promised Home.

Thanks be to God.

one faithful step

Exciting news and good intentions!

Coming soon to The Ordinary Times...

What a difference a few chemicals make...

Encouraged.

Labor of Love

I *heart* NY in the movies!

Awareness calendar printable

Halloween Countdown

Blog Reconstruction!

Advent, Day 28: Pondering

Advent, Day 27: Conception

Advent, Day 26: Greetings

Advent, Day 25: Restore us, O God

Advent, Day 24: Ready or not

Advent, Day 21: What did you go out to see?

Advent, Day 20: Patience

Advent, Day 19: Timeline

Advent, Day 17: Return

Advent, Day 11: Children of stones

Advent, Day 10: Hope

Advent, Day 9: Endurance.

Advent, Day 8: The Tale of Two Trees

Advent, Day 6: Behold, He comes

Advent, Day 5: A prayer, in time

Advent, Day 4: Before the flood

Advent, Day 3: Daylight

Advent, Day 2: Psalm for peace

Advent, Day 1: Christmas Yet to Come

Beginning, Again

Learning Something New...

On #36, and Trusting the Process

Day 6: Fur, Feather, Scales and Skin, Scales and Skin

Day 5: Feather and Fin

Day 4: Light and darkness.

Day 3: Growing things

Day 2: Water

Day 1: Beginning

Coming Soon: Summer.

Art journal break! (With thanks to Jean.)

Easter Sunday: Risen!

Lent, Day 45: Day of Preparation.

Lent, Day 45: A breath prayer for Holy Saturday.

Lent, Day 44: What is good.

Lent, Day 44: A breath prayer for Good Friday.

Lent, Day 43: Body.

Lent, Day 43: A breath prayer for Maundy Thursday.

Lent, Day 42: Come near. (A prayer.)

Lent, Day 42: A breath prayer for Holy Wednesday.

Lent, Day 41: Authority.

Lent, Day 41: A breath prayer for Holy Tuesday.

Lent, Day 40: Teaching.

Lent, Day 40: A breath prayer for Holy Monday.

Lent, Day 39: Hosannahs and homesickness.

Lent, Day 38: Being heard. (A prayer.)

Lent, Day 37: Being great.

Lent, Day 36: Being a child.

Lent, Day 35: Being aware.

Lent, Day 34: Being free.

Lent, Day 33: Being joined.

Art break! (For Scott)

Lent, Day 32: On the team.

Lent, Day 31: Prayer.

Art Break! (For Sam)

Lent, Day 30: Enveloped.

Lent, Day 29: Being in.

Lent, Day 28: Seeing clearly.

Lent, Day 27: Still no bread.

Lent, Day 26: Healing.

Lent, Day 25: Prayer.

Lent, Day 24: Walk.

Lent, Day 23: 5+2

Lent, Day 22: It ain't over...

Lent, Day 21: About worth, and justice.

Lent, Day 20: More fear, and more faith.

Lent, Day 19: Legion no more.

Lent, Day 18: Why are you afraid?

Lent, Day 17: A prayer.

Lent, Day 16: On parables and poetry.

Art break!

I heart NY in the movies!